The Gift of Failure
Posted on November 23, 2021 by Lee Vance, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
It is not a mistake to fail. Do it. And then do it again. This is growth. It is especially growth when we tap into the natural gifts of failure.
Nobody enjoys failure nor do I know anyone that has made conscious efforts to fail. And yet failure and mistakes are necessary for growth. In fact, I would argue, a person cannot learn without making mistakes in the classroom or accidentally stepping on the feet of others. It is part of being human and it is not simply a feel-good exercise to begin reframing failure. Mistakes are so often followed by disappointment, regret, and worst of all, shame, that we may too often miss the gifts that are only possible because we created a mess. So how do you handle failure?
1. Letting Go. Perhaps there is nothing harder than beginning again. Getting back up after we fall off the bike is an exercise in not quitting. Our opportunity is not to become overly cautious, although becoming more alert of potential obstacles is natural, but the gift here is the opportunity to let go of the mistake and not define ourselves by that mistake or identify with it. You are not your successes or your failures. Period. Let go again and again so that the other gifts of failure may flourish. Another gift is…
2. Amends to Self and Others. Spiritual communities agree with scientific behavioral communities; there is perhaps nothing more important than relationships. We are always in relationship to ourselves and to others. Our failures and mistakes provide an opportunity to be more compassionate with ourselves and others. We learn to forgive and become less judgmental. It is a common that people see themselves as more compassionate toward others than toward themselves, however, our relational capacity is not really different between objects. If I am unkind to myself then I will be unkind to others, perhaps more passive-aggressive or subtle in our reactions to others, but none-the-less only extending understanding to the extent that we understand. Failures are an opportunity to understand ourselves and others further. We can learn to tolerate imperfect people, including ourselves.
3. Rearranging Priorities. Perhaps one of the biggest gifts of continued failures or massive mistakes is reassessing our priorities. It is not uncommon for adults to eventually realize that money is not making them happy, that the acquisition of materials is actually decreasing their peace, and that family, friends, and that certain creative or physical activities are intrinsically more valuable. But it usually takes monumental failures or great levels of pain before we begin dedicating our lives to serving these values. We change up our priorities. All of a sudden we are given the opportunity to swim upstream, against the fast current of capitalist, over-worked, and restless opportunity. You can make your top values your top priorities – you will eventually credit your failures, mistakes and associated pains for opening you to this new perspective.
Lastly, keep making mistakes. Full stop. Do it. Make them and then begin, with help from trusted sources, to reap the natural rewards of failure.
