Successful Single Parenting is not for the Faint of Heart!
Posted on November 21, 2021 by Harriet Harris, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.
Learning when to pick our battles with a co-parent requires a continuous delicate balance!
My son’s father and I were divorced when he was just two years old. Our nine-year marriage prior to his birth had been wrought with conflicts of one kind or another. But like many “warrior women” I had persevered, laboring under the misimpression that having a child was the answer to an unhappy marriage. However, I soon learned the fallacy of that theory. Thus, my son and I were out the door just a few months prior to his second birthday. My husband and I amicably agreed to co-parent our son in the best way we knew how, though he lived in Florida and I returned to Georgia, where I grew up.
Shortly after our separation, my husband had wedding plans with a woman who had previously called herself one of my friends. Needless to say, I was both stunned and angry! But I knew she had not been the reason for the decision I had made to leave. For my own sanity, I knew I had to get out of that marriage! But their union certainly added fuel to an already contentious blaze in our relationship. However, our not living in the same state and my not having to run into either of them on a day-to-day basis, made it easier to move forward with my life; enjoying my beautiful baby boy and peaceful surroundings with my family and friends back in my home town, just outside of Atlanta.
As the years went by, my ex-husband and I decided that our son would spend the summers with him and the step-mom. The step-mom had two children from her previous marriage and she and my ex had one child together soon after they were married. The co-parenting plan seemed like a good idea, and occasionally worked well. However, the step-mom turned out to be an angry, bitter woman who really did not like our son or want him around.
One year when our son was four years old, my ex and his family came to middle Georgia to attend a reunion of his family. Our son, who knew he would be coming home after the reunion that weekend, requested his dad telephone me. On the phone, our son informed me that his stepmom and “slapped me in my face, hard”. Needless to say, I immediately requested an explanation and intervention from his father. However, my ex attempted to brush away my concerns by voicing doubt of our son’s account of the incident. But hearing the distress in our son’s voice, I fully believed him! I immediately made plans to drive to the area and get my boy! I informed my ex that he would see me as soon as possible.
For the two hour trip, I enlisted the help of my aunt to accompany me. I voiced my anger and frustration about the situation and she too could not believe anyone would be so cruel to our son. Once I arrived in the small town, I telephoned my ex and let him know that I had pulled off the highway into a gas station parking lot, where we had agreed to meet. He, our son and some of his family members were waiting for us there. (The stepmom was not present, however and I assumed she knew she had better not be in my presence at that time!) Our son immediately ran into my arms, crying and stating he was ready to leave.
My aunt, who had accompanied me to the face-to-face immediately gave my ex-husband a large smile and bear hug, stating she was “so glad to see” him. I could not believe her actions, which felt like a total betrayal of me! But I followed closely behind her, and once she moved, I leaned in and slapped by ex as hard as I could! He immediately tried to slap me in return, but I did what would later be known as a “Matrix” move, leaning back from the blow, his fingertips only brushing my chin. At that point, one of his male family members spoke up and said: “man don’t hit that woman”. This saved me from a second attempt by him. I then quickly grabbed our son and headed to my car, my aunt following behind us.
We were soon out of the parking lot and back on the expressway in a matter of minutes. I was fuming quietly for most of the journey home, as our son slept peacefully in the back seat. Once he was asleep, I let my aunt know how disappointed I had been by her behavior, but she felt she had done nothing wrong and maintained the position that my beef with my ex was mine alone and that she had “always liked him”, and would continue to do so. She and I parted ways and did not speak to each other again for several weeks.
My son and I arrived home very late and I immediately assisted him to bed, where he slept peacefully through out the night. Early the following morning, when I went in to awaken him, he rose smiling and happy to be home. At that point, I was wondering whether he was still experiencing any trauma from the previous day. I gently stroked his face (where thankfully I did not see any marks), and cradled him in my arms. I asked quietly if he was okay and if he wanted to tell me anything about the previous day. He began smiling sweetly and said: “Mom, I had a wonderful time”. My eyes widened and glazed over like a deer caught in headlights! I could only finally say: “Guess I’d better start breakfast”.
Looking back on the incident, I can honestly say given the same set of circumstances I probably would have behaved the same way, with one exception: Avoid hitting or any acts of violence which could lead to spending a night in jail or the hospital!
Our son turned 40 years old this past June. A handsome college graduate and family man himself. He has no recollection of the events at all, but he and my aunt (now 80), find the whole story very amusing!
