What emotion is controlling your intimate relationship?
Posted on October 31, 2021 by Justin Gerard, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.
What emotions are determining your decision in your relationship? Know how to improve your intimate relationship, by mastering your emotion.
What emotions are dominating your life right now? And how is this emotion influencing your decisions and actions?
Emotions are key to a healthy, successful, and meaningful relationship. If you are in a relationship and the dominating emotion is resentment, anger, and fear chances are you are not happy and fulfilled in the relationship and finding a way out. On the flip side, if you are in a relationship and the dominating emotions are Love, Awe, and Excitement, you will be fulfilled and you are able to perform better at work and other areas of life. Your intimate relationship is an emotional amplifier. Think about it, whenever you had something awesome happen to you, like getting a promotion or winning a lottery, what would most people want to do? They want to share the news with their loved ones. Why is that? Because sharing it with someone else amplifies the emotion. How many of you have witnessed or heard that a relationship problem has affected a person’s performance at work? If that is true, why don’t people focus on improving their most important relationships? Emotions are the key indicator for a happy and healthy relationship. The key mindset we need to embrace here is that “We are responsible for what we communicate and how it lands on our partner”A quote from Maya Angelou, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
There are many examples in our own life where we had good intentions. However, we have said it recklessly and it was received as a threat, insult, or insincere by the other person. Then, the whole conversation blew up! Emotions are important in your relationship for several reasons. One is important because emotion influences your decision. If you are in an empowering emotional state we will make decisions that serve in the long run. Let’s assume you are feeling insecure and feeling not good enough. You will unconsciously seek validation, approval from your partner for everything or most of the things you do. And when you get the approval, you actually feel love and appreciation which is good for the short run but in the long run, you are just affirming the existence of feeling insecure and not being good enough. This pattern of being validated because of you feeling not good enough will influence all the decisions you make unconsciously. Now let’s assume that you don’t get validation and approval from your partner. What would happen? From my experience, the person will leave the relationship and find another person to get validation and approval from the outside. And they keep falling for the same person and end up being in a similar type of relationship as before.Have you ever experienced someone you know or a friend keep complaining about their relationship that they keep falling for the same type of guy or girl? The pattern continues because you as a person are running the same “software” of attracting a similar type of validation from the external world.
The second is that emotion influences your ability to respond creatively. When you are angry, the prefrontal cortex shuts down. The prefrontal cortex is the logical part of the brain that is making decisions and judgments. Have you ever experienced saying “stupid” things when you are angry and later on regret saying it? Well, that’s what happens when you are angry. You make a decision not based on consciousness but based on emotion at the current moment. Your prefrontal cortex ability decreases to concentrate when you experience intense emotions such as anger. On the other hand, if you are happy most of the time in your relationship because you have found a greater meaning for your relationship and it’s your source of fulfillment and joy. Because you are in an empowered emotional state, you are able to think creatively and have the ability to tap into more resources. Plus, when you are in a positive emotional state you are more resilient to handle situations that often trigger you. Here are 7 questions to improve and transform your intimate relationship. You may go through these questions individually or as a couple.In the area of relationships,
1. What are the list of emotions you experienced in a typical week?
2. What were the triggers for the list of emotions above?
3. Where and when do you experience the emotions above?
4. How is the list of emotions influencing your love relationship?
5. How are the emotions impacting you in your health, performance at work, and finance?
6. If you have the power to choose, what 3 emotions do you consciously want to experience?
7. How am I going to remind myself to choose to experience the 3 emotions I consciously want?
If you would like to work on your relationship more but don’t know how and you are open to some relationship coaching. Please feel free to drop me an email or sign up for a free coaching session. I’m happy to learn more about you and help you in your challenges.
