What is Heart Centered Parenting?
Posted on October 21, 2021 by Paula Kettula LCSW, One of Thousands of Family Coaches on Noomii.
Perhaps you have heard about “heart-centered parenting” or “parenting from the heart,” but do you really know what it means, why is it important?
In my experience, the term heart-centered parenting ends up being an abstract and vague concept which we know is related to unconditional love, acceptance and emotional connection with the child, yet there is so much more to it! Parenting from the heart actually creates a biochemical shift not only in yourself but also in your child!
In this article, I dive deeper into what it really means to parent from the heart, as well as what it means to live a heart-centered life.
Traditionally, we always think of the brain as our information processing center where all our decisions are made and life experiences are processed. However, many ancient cultures and spiritual practices also focus on the heart as an important center involved in how one lives one’s life.
Mesopotamians, Egyptians, Babylonias, Ancient Chinese, Greeks and many others viewed the heart as a place of intelligence which was the source of inner wisdom that was used to guide one’s life.
Modern science has proven this as a fact as we have found that the heart is an important information processing center which contains neurons just like the brain does. They have started to call the heart “the heart-brain,” as it contains a complex independent nervous system which produces a powerful electromagnetic field around the human body that extends up to 3 feet beyond our physical body.
Let’s pause here for a moment and reflect on that important statement.
I’d like to invite you to recall an experience when you were in the presence of someone who was angry, judging, frustrated, stressed or overwhelmed. Recall how you felt and how you feel in your body now. Just notice.
Now think of an interaction with someone who was positive, understanding, loving, kind and accepting in a difficult situation. Take a moment to recall how you felt then, and notice how you feel now in your body as you just think about it.
It is likely that these two experiences had a very different outcome for how you felt and feel now. Pay attention how the body keeps score, and elicits emotions and sensations even from events that have long passed.
It is likely that in the first scenario, you may have experienced discomfort, shallowness of the breath and increased heart-rate whereas in the second scenario, you probably experienced a sense of comfort, safety, peace, expansiveness etc. This is because the person in the second scenario was in a heart-centered state which in turn resonated with your nervous system.
Now think of which person would you rather be around, listen to and connect with? Then evaluate how you show up for your children?
Is it a surprise that your child may not listen to you, connect with you or are oppositional and defiant if you show up for them in a negative and draining emotional state?
I am not saying this to shame, blame or guilt, but to clearly point that there is a responsibility each of us plays in the way we show up for ANY person we encounter, be it your child, your spouse or a stranger on the street. I would like you to take this as an empowering message which gives you information and powerful tools which are at your service at ANY GIVEN MOMENT.
To shift a parenting situation gone badly, you only need to shift yourself. Expecting your child to shift is giving your personal power away. Most likely your child will not be able to shift, and you end up feeling angry, frustrated, resentful and helpless.
Back to the heart…
Research has also found out that more information travels from the heart to the brain than vice versa indicating that the brain is indeed receiving vital knowledge from the heart which is used to guide decisions and actions. Messages travel from the heart to the amygdala which is the emotional processing center of the brain, and to the thalamus which connects to the higher brain centers.
Studies have also discovered that coherence between the heart and the brain is vital as this allows our thoughts, emotions and body to be in alignment with one another. When there is coherence, the entire mind-body system works efficiently and with clarity. Coherence is associated with renewal of our energies, emotional balance and a sense of wellbeing.
Stress, feeling overwhelmed and not having our actions aligned with our true deeper emotions creates dissonance and distress. Other studies have further demonstrated that when we are aligned with our values and belief system, this activates the stimulus and reward system of the brain which releases “feel good” hormones such as gaba and oxytocin that calm the nervous system, decreases the stress response AND gives you an immune boost. When you parent from your heart, i.e. your value and belief system based on unconditional love and acceptance of your child, you are naturally decreasing your own and your child’s stress levels.
When you parent from fear, anxiety, worry, control or pressure of “what will others think”, you are out of alignment which causes stress to yourself and your child.
It is my wish that this little article has given you a glimpse into the wisdom of the heart where our higher level emotions such as compassion, love, caring, kindness, patience and appreciation are said to reside. The wisdom of the heart by-passes normal logical, and linear thought patterns which are limited in their capacity to explain and experience the world.
So parent and live from your heart AND notice your world suddenly changing right in front of your eyes. Or is it YOU who changes…
