How to Live Life on Your Terms

Posted on September 22, 2021 by Shealyn Ivany, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Living life on your terms may sound like a simple concept. You just do what you want, the way you want, when you want. But I know from experience this isn’t always so easy.

We have so many outside forces pushing and pulling us in a thousand different directions. We have obligations, responsibilities, and a list of things we have to do that we don’t always want to do. And so much in this world is designed to distract us, keep us busy, and ultimately take us away from ourselves and our true desires.

It’s impossible to completely erase these aspects of your life. It’s all part of being human. But unfortunately, it’s almost too easy to get caught up in these external factors and lose sight of how you actually want to live your life.

No matter who you are or what you’re going through, you have the right and the privilege of doing the inner work to deeply know, embrace, and honour yourself. Your life is too precious to live any other way than exactly how you want to live.

I think it’s important to learn how to step away from the noise of it all and reconnect with ourselves. When you really think about it, how do you want to live your life? It’s not always easy to tune into your answer, but there are some things you can do to guide yourself there.

1) Connect with what brings you joy
Think back to moments or phases of your life when you felt true joy. Then reflect on why you were so happy and how you found that feeling of joy. Was it the activity you were doing? The people you were with? The place you were in?

Once you figure out what the source of that joy was, the next step is simple: bring more of it into your life! And don’t just say you will and then forget about it. Actually make a conscious and actionable effort to make it happen.

You may think you’re too busy or too stressed or too tired, and trust me, I get it. I feel that way, too (like, all the time). But that only gives us more of a reason to find as many ways as possible to bring joy into our life.

In order to live with the busyness, stress, tiredness, and every other not so pleasant thing we must experience as humans, we need to counteract it with things that boost our moods. It’s a simple thing and we all deserve it.

2) Consider your non-negotiables
This means figuring out what you absolutely need in your life in order to feel complete and satisfied. Do you want to have kids, no matter what? Maybe you unquestionably have to live in a certain city. How about alone time or scheduled family vacations or a big house?

Your non-negotiables can be emotional, material, familial, professional, or anything else you simply can’t live without. They don’t have to make sense to anyone but you. They are meant to serve you and your highest good, and you don’t need to justify them to anyone.

Knowing what these things are for you will give you a guideline towards acquiring that non-negotiable if it’s not yet in your life, or maintaining it if you already have it.

The key with non-negotiables is once you know what yours are, you stick to them unapologetically. They are a reflection of your deepest values and beliefs, and no one can take that away from you.

3) Listen to your inner voice and intuition
We all have an inner voice and access to our intuition. Your inner voice always knows what’s best for you and will guide you onto the right path for you at any given time. It’s an extension of your true identity and is directly connected to your instinct as a unique human.

You don’t need to fall into a deep meditative trance to hear your inner voice. All you have to do is listen to the thoughts in your mind, acquaint yourself with them, and in times of need, really hear what they have to say.

If you want to go even deeper with your intuition, drop down from your mind and into your heart. Feel into whatever situation you’re grappling with. Listen to your gut instinct.

I believe we could all benefit from taking the time to tune into our inner worlds. Everything you seek is already within you. You just have to grant yourself the space to connect with your inner voice and intuition.

4) Depend on your own opinion and approval more than that of others
I have struggled with this my whole life. It’s a part of me that I’ve been navigating in my own self-development journey for quite some time.

It’s often helpful to receive feedback and constructive opinions; receiving guidance and reassurance from the trusted people in your life can be so beneficial. But it becomes a problem when we start depending on the approval of others and letting those opinions impact our opinion of ourselves.

We have to remember that we can receive all the outside help and criticism we want, but at the end of it all, you’re left with yourself. Your input matters the most.

Only you know what’s best for you. You have the ability to make your own decisions and love yourself unapologetically, always.

5) Learn how to stay true to who you are
You change as you grow older and experience different stages of life. Change and transformation is inevitable in your self-development journey.

But at every point in life, I believe it’s important to know your values, beliefs, dreams, desires, morals, goals, and anything else that is important to you, whether they change or not. These make up the fabric of who you are in each phase of your life.

And it’s okay if these things change in small or big ways. We can’t stop the inevitability of growth. But we can stay in touch with the things that make us who we are as we wander down the path of our lives.

6) Embrace everything you are, everything you’re not, and everything you can be
If nothing in this post resonated with you, embrace that. If by reading this you feel called to attend to a part of your life you may have been neglecting, embrace that, too.

Embracing everything you are means cultivating self-love and not apologizing or justifying the aspects of your being.

Embracing everything you’re not means accepting your weaknesses and forgiving your imperfections.

Embracing everything you can be means realizing your potential for growth and transformation.

So embrace everything you are, everything you’re not, and everything you can be. This is one of the most powerful avenues that’ll bring you towards living your life on your own terms.

All of these tips are just some of the ways I have learned, and continue to learn, how to live life on my terms. Some might feel easier than others at any given time, but I believe there is power in each of them. It’s up to you to make meaning of it all in your own life. Then you can start to live your most authentic life on your own terms every single day.

If you loved this article, check out these episodes of my podcast, Awaken & Empower, at livingembrace.ca/podcast and wherever you listen to podcasts!

Episode 15: Seeking Guidance and Validation from Within
livingembrace.ca/awaken-and-empower-episode-15

Episode 20: Trusting and Honouring the Timing of Your Life
livingembrace.ca/trusting-honouring-timing-of-life

Episode 26: Creating Your Own Belief System and Living More Consciously
livingembrace.ca/creating-your-belief-system-living-consciously