Your Body is Not an Apology

Posted on August 26, 2021 by Charlotte Haggie, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

I am sitting across from a client and she is telling me that when she enters her office, she finds herself shrinking. She does not speak up, she lets things slide that she feels strongly about, she tries to blend into the background as much as possible.

As we delve into why this might be happening, she tells me that in this space she believes that she is not good enough, that she does not know enough about her line of work. And as we dig a little deeper to figure out why she feels that way in this particular space, we determine that it is because she is 10kg overweight and she believes that the members of her team see her as lazy and ill-disciplined.

This is not the only client that I have worked with that has felt this way. And it is not only my female clients that experience the inability to show up fully because of the beliefs that they have about their bodies. It is because of this that, for the month of August, I chose to focus on the theme of body positivity and to look at what happens to us when we do not have a positive image of – and thus a positive relationship with – our bodies. The result of this is that we feel uncomfortable, guilty, inferior. In this state, the behaviours that we choose are generally not healthy and our overall wellbeing is compromised. The impact that this has on our ability to function and perform both in our personal lives and in the workplace is hugely damaging to ourselves as well as to those around us.

This morning I tuned in to one of Brene Brown’s ‘Unlocking Us’ podcast episodes. In this episode, she was interviewing Sonja Renee Taylor, the author of the book ‘The Body is Not an Apology’. The podcast itself was incredible but I didn’t even have to start listening before my mind was reeling by the title of that book. What I see so often is the constant apologizing that goes on for the way that we look. It may not be as explicit as a verbal apology but can be as tacit as not applying for a promotion, not engaging in a conversation at an event, not putting on one’s swimming costume at the beach, and even choosing not to look after our bodies or listen to what they need from us. It can be seen in the way we shy away from being seen and in turn, how we rob the world of all that the vessel of our physical bodies contains. In holding back from stepping out, we too are then robbed of living our lives in full colour and every dimension possible and end up living them flat and dull and filled with shame.

So what do we do about this?

I know that we would all like a quick 5-step list and there are many of them out there so here is one that I think we can all recognise:
- Appreciate your body for everything it does for you
- Write a list of the top 10 things you like about yourself
- Look at yourself as a whole person
- Wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself
- Don’t compare yourself to others

However, these are all well and good but also a bit like being told to stop breathing. Thinking and feeling negative about our bodies is, for many of us, such a natural, habitual process that being asked to follow a list like the above feels impossible.

And so my invitation to anyone who can relate to my client sitting across from me is to do what she has done. Take a different, longer-term approach and give yourself the privilege of becoming curious about yourself. Take the time to talk to someone so that you can investigate the beliefs and assumptions that underpin the way that you feel. Once you have a grasp on these, you have a much greater opportunity to choose and follow through on any or all of the options in the 5-step list above. You can choose to change what you need to to feel differently. You can have a relationship with your body that allows you to care for it and to enter the world with confidence and the physical, mental and emotional capacity to give it your best. You can stop letting your body be an apology and start to let it be a gift to the world.
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If you would like to find out more about how a coach can help you, feel free to contact me for a 30 minute ‘chemistry session’. In this session, we can look at where you are and where you would like to be and if I, or someone else, can help to guide you there.

If you are a manager in an organization and recognize that you or your team are struggling with this or any other wellbeing issues, contact me to find out how we can create a value of wellbeing within your organization that will help your team to show up authentically and in full colour so that they can function and perform at their best.

www.charlottehaggie.com
charlotte@charlottehaggie.com
+27727857090