Breaking Down the Imposter Experience

Posted on August 21, 2021 by Rachel Ostroy, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

“Are you sure? You got the wrong Jew. I just finished my bacon from breakfast, literally. Did 10 people already say no?”

The president of the board of my reform synagogue called late Sunday morning and asked me to chair the rabbi search committee. He assured me I was the one he meant to call and I was the first person he asked, whether that was true or not. I decided to believe him.

Maybe you’ve had these thoughts. You have asked yourself similar questions. You have questioned your ability to be in a role or job or relationship and feel like an imposter. If so, keep reading.

In the past, I rarely stepped into positions of leadership. I would say I truly shy away from them. After I turned 50, I decided I needed to say yes more to new experiences, and the board president caught me at the right moment.

So I said yes.

Immediately, I questioned why they would want me. I have no Human Resources experience, I’m a brand new coach, at the time I was not certified, and generally have no practical experience to tap into for the role.

We were a committee of 15 with a few people who actually worked in HR, a couple of very experienced therapists, a retired rabbi and many other professionals with hiring and search experience under their belt.

We had a rough start.

If you can call it walking out of a Zoom meeting, someone walked out of our first committee meeting. All the self-doubt and imposter feelings came flooding in. I almost resigned.

But I didn’t. And I’m soooooo glad I didn’t.

Here’s why. I got over my imposter syndrome, built my confidence and feel comfortable in positions of leadership. And, I can share what I learned with you.

After that first horrific meeting, I came back with a renewed sense of my purpose. I had a task to accomplish, a strong team of people to work with, and confidence that they actually wanted me to do the job.

My imposter feelings didn’t disappear overnight— it was like a gradual peeling of the layers back. I asked my friend to proofread every email I sent to the group for the first month or so. I spent a lot of time creating my meeting agendas. I deferred to others in the group.

And, I came clean with what I didn’t know.

I acknowledged my lack of experience. I acknowledged the expertise in the room. I acknowledged I would make mistakes and need help. I also acknowledged I was the one in the chair position.

This experience made me realize the key to overcoming Imposter Syndrome is not to be an imposter.

Don’t pretend to know what you don’t.

Own your mistakes.

Be authentic and don’t be afraid to be wrong.

Plain and simple, don’t be an imposter. Own what you are an expert in, if anything, and don’t be afraid of not being an expert in everything. If someone is hiring you as a one-person band, then you should know how to play the drums, keyboard, saxophone and harmonica. If you are hired as the conductor or to play any other single instrument in the orchestra, claim your part. Stand firm in what you know and grow into what you don’t and what you need to know.

If you are questioning if this approach actually works well: from the feedback I got after we hired our new rabbi, it was a successful experience for all those involved (except for the person who walked out at the beginning of our 6-month journey). People who previously had been burned on committee work and avoided committees for 20+ years had a positive experience.

Now when asked to do something that seems a little foreign or scary, I say yes, assuming there is some appealing aspect to it. When I do enter those unknown circumstances, I am very clear with everyone around me what I don’t know. I don’t pretend to know. As a friend of mine used to say, “Don’t fake it, fact it.”