Son of “Asperger” & the Awakened Father!
Posted on July 20, 2021 by Mazen Edlibi, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
It is about my Story with my son who is diagnosed with “Asperger”, and how I left him for 11 years during my marriage, and 5 years of divorce...
The Beginning
I don’t want to say “I Love you son”…..
Instead…I want to say….”Thank you for being the one who let me feel for the first time the feelings of fatherhood”
For the first time felt the experience of Ups and Downs of being a father….
For the first time to feel the growth of Fatherhood within me….
“The Perfect Father” isn’t my Urge…
“The Super Father” isn’t my Purpose…
“The Cool Dad” isn’t my Interest…
The Legacy i want to leave behind, is the legacy that You Know who You are…You know the wealth You have within Yourself…You living the life You want not what the life wants to force on You…
The Story
You are 16 Years now…Living in Your own world, the world mostly defined by;
A Mother who fought by all means from the moment You were born and still…. and the story is not her…
As it is a story by itself that I gave a huge…full…genuine credits…appreciation…gratitude and much more!
A Father……
And here the story starts…In phases I shall share with you….
The Dark Ages….
In 2015, You were born in an unsettled home…born between the arm of a loving mother and absent father…a voiceless father… a father with no identity… a father renounced from his real own-self…
Born for a father….who was unconscious and concealed from fatherhood….Who was living behind unlimited masks of…
Earning the living for his family….
Supporting his beloved ones…
Hard working to secure the livings….
A successful Manager…
There was nothing to give his son, except his name…except the miscellaneous of life..Except the Too little Too Late…But in front of other…in front of peers…in front of community….
It was a Giving…and it was an Empty Givings…Shallow Givings….Meaningless Givings…
The time passes by all of us and the Gap becoming deeper and darker like oceans…. Gap filled with ignorance and disowning the right of being from his flesh and blood!
The Disruptive Phase….
Years of being an oblivious father, led to a saturation of impatience and anger for being empty within I couldn’t sense the fatherhood within me. And I was still absent for years during the journey of self-discovery, thinking I was there for you…and I wasn’t!
The Discovery Phase…..
In 2020, you joined me in my nest…my world… and I discovered another side of me that I was not curious enough to see you and know your world…I was hiding behind my fear of not able to handle you….
I discovered that I missed for years the opportunity to touch your light…your greatness..,your purity.
For the past couple of months, I’ve learnt about myself and I didn’t realize that till your sister asked me “Dad…Can I ask you something?…How do you manage to tolerate him!” and that striked me! Finally…I put You First… I put my fears, my doubts and my limiting beliefs behind me and I put you between my eyes.
Forgive me…for taking me so long to reach where you are now…I miss a lot and I’m catching whatever meant for me to catch….and I’m enjoying what I’m receiving.
I’m still not a perfect..not a super…not an ideal…but I’m your father and I’m proud of who you are…
Happy Birthday…I’m with you…Behind you…For you….Beside you….God bless you..Live the life you want…Explore it…I’m watching you.
Thank you for your Gift to me.
