Expat Spouse vs. Trailing Spouse vs. Accompanying Spouse?
Posted on June 24, 2021 by Liz Parsons, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
The name expat spouse is a relatively new term for this group of incredible people.
Simply put, an expat spouse is anyone who has moved internationally with their spouse for their spouse’s job or education. But the name expat spouse is a relatively new term for this group of incredible people.
In the 1980s and 1990s when international relocation was becoming more common, multi-national companies and academic researchers started using the term “trailing spouse” to classify the (most often) women who moved internationally with their spouse.
I resent the term trailing spouse. It makes me want to punch the 1980s in the face. It feels, at best, condescending. I don’t feel being called a trailing spouse holds me capable of much, doesn’t expect much of me. At times during the expat spouse experience you might feel like you are ‘trailing’ your partner, but it’s an un-inspiring and incomplete descriptor of what we go through.
Starting around the 2000s people started to use the more neutral phrase accompanying spouse. This is a term I can get behind. It makes me feel like both partners are, well, partners, on equal footing. You are accompanying rather than trailing your spouse on an international relocation.
In the last few years I’ve seen the emergence of the term expat spouse. So far, this is the term I use to describe my experience and to refer to my clients. This term feels equal, empowering, and accurate.
Why don’t I just call expat spouses expats? In the latest academic literature, and in the HR departments and insurance companies of multi-national companies, a distinction is made between expats (the people who are hired or relocated to another country for their job) and expat spouses.
Obviously, yes, expat spouses are also expats. But I think the distinction of expat spouse is important because it encourages companies, researchers, and society to recognize, learn about, and support the unique needs of the expat spouse rather than grouping them in with their working expat partner. The experience of the working expat – continuity of employment, guaranteed income, built-in social community through new colleagues, sense of purpose and mental stimulation – is very different from the experience of many expat spouses.
We deserve to be recognized. We deserve our own category.So, until someone comes up with a better way to describe me and my friends, I’m sticking with Expat Spouse.
