10 Steps for Getting Through a Breakup.

Posted on May 04, 2021 by Brianne Mundt, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Breaking up is the WORST. It feels almost as bad as someone close to you passing away. And in essence it is as though something died – your relationship. It feels like the world is ending, you will never be happy again. Point blank; it’s awful.

Everyone tells you:

“Give it time”

“You’ll be alright”

“You’ll find someone better”

“It wasn’t meant to be”

I know from experience that these phrases don’t have any impact at all on your emotions or mindset. They go in one ear and out the other. With that said, I’m here to tell you – all of them are 100% TRUE. But that doesn’t mean anything if you feel like the world around you is crashing down.

So here are 10 steps to get you through this. These may not be universal – but they helped me, so hopefully they’ll help you too.

Step 1: Cry it out.
After my breakup, I bounced around between my closest friends and cried for days. Four days to be exact. . . almost non-stop. You have to let yourself feel the emotions, not hide from them. It will help you move on faster.

Step 2: Get rid of the evidence of their existence.
This one can be tough. I didn’t do this immediately, but I should have. I’m a sentimental person and I didn’t want to delete the pictures from the good times. After all, they’re a part of my life. I don’t want to just erase everything. So I made a compromise: I downloaded them onto a USB drive and hid it in a place far from view. Then I deleted them off my phone. It made scrolling through my camera roll a lot easier. If you can’t delete them immediately, you can also hide them (if you have an iPhone). Just get them to a place where you won’t look at them if you’re not ready to delete them.

Next, delete the photos on social media. Doing this can be hard, but once you hit the red “Delete” button, I promise you’ll feel better – as if a weight is lifted off of your chest. And if you don’t, you will thank yourself next time you’re scrolling through your feed and a jolt of pain doesn’t run through your body when you see the old memory.

Step 3: Block them.
Even if you’ve agreed to be friends, block them. You need time to heal and move on from your broken heart and this is impeccably difficult to do if they’re still in your life. Block them (or remove them) on all social media platforms. Maybe even block their friends too.

Step 4: Keep busy.
Do not let this breakup ruin you. You are a BADASS and life is short. Give yourself a respectable time period to wallow and then get back out there! Hang out with friends, take a class, take a trip, get outside, be active. Focus on YOU and what makes YOU happy.

Step 5: Journal.
Everyday, try to jot down somethings in your life that you’re grateful for, or some positive affirmations (as cheesy as they are). Write about how you feel – the good, the bad and the ugly. When you have a good day, figure out what made it good. Maybe it wasn’t even a whole day, maybe it was a moment, or a brief second of clarity – document it. That way, as you move through this process, you can read about it later. You can reflect back on the progress you’ve made. When you go through down periods, you can read back on the ups.

Step 6: Read You are a Badass by Jen Sincero.
THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP. You are a Badass literally changed my life. Reading it brought me true happiness and showed me the light at the end of the seemingly endless tunnel. Her energy and wit come through her writing and it’s all about self-love, being you and enabling the Universe to bring you good things. You absolutely need to read it. Grab a highlighter and a notebook, write down things she says that resonate with you. Go through the tips and steps she gives you. You won’t be sorry. If you’ve already read it, read it again.

I take this book with me everywhere – it’s my bible. If I go out to dinner, I bring the book with me in my car. If I’m sleeping, the book is on my nightstand. Having the book in view is a constant reminder to what it taught me. Life-changing. Seriously. Read it.

Step 7: Make a playlist and keep your frequency up.
Two weeks after my breakup, a friend showed me this playlist all about girl power, self-love and moving on. When I first listened to it, it felt pretty aggressive. But I kept listening to it and the songs began to resonate with me. As I learned the lyrics, I began singing along and dancing in my car. I got out of my head and knew things would get better. And eventually, I found myself screaming the lyrics with a huge and genuine smile plastered on my face.

Breakups go through waves, sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down. Each time the waves get easier, but if you’re ever getting down – listen to your playlist. You’ll feel your energy level rise and you’ll think more positively. Music can bring you happiness. I promise.

Step 8: Meditate.
It doesn’t matter if you think you can do it or not, meditation provides clarity and a peaceful mind if you stick with it. I prefer guided mediation because I get distracted easily. I use the app Headspace everyday. You have to pay for it, it’s $99 for the year, but if you think about it, that’s about 25 cents a day. After completing their “Basics” pack, I would start with their “Self-Esteem” pack. They have hundreds of meditations to choose from. It isn’t a huge commitment. Just 5-20 minutes a day would be beneficial. You may not see results immediately but try it for 1-2 weeks. If you don’t believe me, there are a ridiculous amount of studies out there that can inform you of all the benefits associated with meditating.

Step 9: Set daily goals.
Everyday set 2-5 goals; things you want to accomplish that day. They can be tasks that you’ve been meaning to do for weeks (ex: scheduling a dentist appointment) or health and fitness goals. Just make sure you do things to enable you to see the progress you’re making.

Step 10: Give it time.
You’re going to have some depressing thoughts that run through your mind. Maybe these ring a bell:

“I won’t find someone else that is as good as him/her.”

“I’m not good enough.”

“There’s no one out there for me.”

“Did we make a mistake breaking up? Should we get back together?”

This is completely normal. But it’s also ridiculous. There are BILLIONS of people on this planet and you’d be crazy to think that you’re only meant for one person you broke up with. It didn’t work out, there’s a reason you broke up. You probably feel insecure, lonely and maybe a bit restless. Don’t jump into a new relationship. You need time to heal. There’s someone else out there for you that will be better than what you’ve had in the past. The Universe is leading you down a path that will end with a heart of gold if you just believe there’s something better out there. Be patient, trust the process.

I’ll leave you with this one anecdote. When I was a freshman in college, I took one of those college painter internships and owned my own painting company. The first house I ever worked on was a complete shit show. Employees got injured, paint cans spilled, we had to go back four separate times to make touch-ups, the customer changed their color selection three times. And to top it all off, one of my painters forgot to fill a hole in the roof where he drilled nails to hold his harness. Then it rained. And they had a leak in their ceiling. Like I said: absolute shit show.

The entire time we worked on that house, I was stressed, I couldn’t sleep and I lost an absurd amount of money. The other day, I was sitting in traffic, looked around and realized I was right in front of THAT house. When I realized this, I waited for the rush of emotions to run through my body. But it didn’t come. This house, the house that brought me so much anxiety and misery, no longer held any effect over me. I felt nothing towards it, I was absolutely neutral.

Relationships are the same way. It just takes time. But you’ll be okay. I promise. this happened for a reason, and if you’re open to better possibilities, they will come. With time. Down the line, you’ll have something so wonderful, you’ll laugh at yourself for ever stressing about finding someone new in the first place.