Tangible Ways to Build Confidence and Become Unf*ckwithable.

Posted on May 04, 2021 by Brianne Mundt, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

A lot of us are seeking that inner peace that translates into confidence. I like to think of a confident person as a person that is unf*ckwithable.

Unf*ckwithable: (adj.): when you’re truly at peace and in touch with yourself, and nothing anyone says or does bothers you, and no negativity or drama can touch you.

If you catch yourself reacting, getting defensive or overthinking something, you don’t have a good grasp on your inner peace in that moment.

I was listening to this podcast by The Minimalists, and they had an example of a woman seeing a mindfulness teacher of sorts. She came into a session saying that someone said she was stupid. It sent her through a loop. She spluttered to the mindfulness guru saying that she wasn’t stupid, why did people think she was stupid, etc. The guru responded, “You believe yourself to be stupid.” She got defensive and said that wasn’t true. Then the guru said something along the lines of: “What if I called you a bird. Would that upset you?” She said no, that wouldn’t bother her because it’s clearly not true. Then the guru pointed out if she truly thought that she wasn’t stupid, then it clearly wouldn’t be true. She wouldn’t get upset at the notion of someone calling her stupid, unless part of her bought into it herself.

So how do we put down our defenses and just believe that we are all badasses? How do we begin to realize that it doesn’t matter what other people think, because we know what is true for us? How do we become unf*ckwithable? Keep reading for some ideas.

Try something new everyday.

You read that right. Every. Day. When you try new things and push your comfort zone, you realize you can do anything. Anxieties and negative thoughts slip away. Your daily task can be big (booking a solo trip to India) or small (taking a different route home from work).

To make sure you stick to this, every Sunday, plan out what you’ll do for the week. Write down 7 things that push your comfort zone. Then write about your experience afterwards. Try this for two weeks and see how you feel.

Try to find the playfulness of life.

Did you trip and eat sh*t? Laugh it off, all of us do it at one point or another. Did you mix up your words and ruin a punch line? Brush it off, it probably wasn’t that funny in the first place and your messing it up was half the fun. Did you ask a woman when her due date was and she wasn’t actually pregnant? (I have.) Apologize, know that you aren’t a bad person (and probably avoid asking that question in the future unless you know for sure there’s a due date to be had).

A lot of us get caught up in life and putting our best foot forward. However, when we look back on our lives and remember some of our most humiliating moments; nothing too terrible happened. Some of those times make for funny memories or important learning experiences. Or they’re forgotten entirely. So let’s not stew on them too much.

Avoid retail therapy. Get involved instead.

Lots of us buy things to make us feel better. We think, if we have that object, we’ll be happy. We see everything being marketed to us, telling us we won’t be enough until we own more. But the truth is, when we buy things to be “more” it’s only temporarily filling a void. Instead, get involved. Volunteer, join an intramural league, travel, meet new people.

When we get involved in various activities, our confidence goes up. We hone our interests rather than stewing on negative thoughts that other people could be thinking, or being down on ourselves. We feel more invigorated with life and then have fun stories to share with others. We harness deeper relationships with those around us.

Put down the social media.

Study after study shows that social media leads to an increase in mental health issues. It’s human nature to compare ourselves against others. So, don’t look at people that have drastically different lives/bodies/genetics/etc. Surround yourself with real, wholesome (non-airbrushed) people that make you feel good about yourself, encourage you, and make you feel alive. They’re out there. You just need to get off your phone to go find them.

Make yourself feel good.

Dress up, comb your hair, work out, nourish your body with some great food, watch your favorite show, read a good book, etc. When we care for our bodies, our minds, and our souls, we feel better. We walk with some swagger and feel untouchable.

Confidence building seems hard. We’ve been down on ourselves so long. But we create our own realities. You just need to learn to appreciate how fickle life is and learn to dance through it. Become unf*ckwithable. You got this.