Watch your comparisons

Posted on April 12, 2021 by Evan Roth, One of Thousands of Executive Coaches on Noomii.

When we watch TV, read magazines, or surf the web, which ads catch our eye? What captures our attention? Why has social media exploded so much? Why do so many people watch reality TV? I believe that comparisons have something to do with the popularity of all of these.

I compare what I have (or don’t have) to what I see in the media and something happens to me. I want it, I want to upgrade to it, I want to change it, I want to keep up with others that have it. To what or whom do you compare yourself and your life? To compare is a natural part of our human experience. When are our comparisons helpful vs. harmful?

I believe that we thrive in our careers and our lives when we exercise discernment over two factors – those things that serve us and those that do not. The same can be said about comparisons. When we compare ourselves to the Photoshopped images that we see in the media, our self-esteem can decrease. When we compare with our colleagues, are we looking to validate ourselves or perhaps determine what is normal?

If we aren’t careful, comparisons can be harmful. They can reinforce negative self-perceptions. They can drive us to do things that are not helpful to us. They can affirm insecurities.
How can you use comparisons to serve you? Try using comparisons for these reasons:

To gain perspective. Perspective is a very valuable asset – it seems that the only way to gain it is by comparing. I have serves on the board of a nonprofit that provides clean water to impoverished communities in third world countries. Every time I visit an impoverished barrio in Latin America, I am reminded of the many things that I take for granted and gain perspective. When I return home and am challenged by a situation, I ask myself the powerful comparative question: “Is this a first world problem or a third world problem?” Perspective is immediately gained.

To gain motivation. Comparisons can serve us when someone is better at something than we are, and that knowledge motivates and inspires us to change or improve. If we want to become a great piano player, we listen to and appreciate the virtuosos and they inspire us to practice and achieve. Daniel Pink, in his book Drive, indicates that motivation, along with autonomy and purpose, engage us in our work and help us to succeed.

To gauge progress. When we set a goal to lose weight, we record a benchmark starting weight. It helps to keep our comparisons objective. Six months later, we can see progress against the goal. In college, I lived for a term in Honduras with two different host families – one in the city and later, one in the campo. My city experience taught me that I did not know Spanish as well as I thought I did. After living with my campo host brother that spoke the fastest Spanish I had ever heard, everyone told me that I sounded fluent – a helpful comparison.

To acknowledge uniqueness. We are all unique and different. When we size others up however, we can group and categorize people. By seeing the amazing individuality in who we all are, it is less about emphasizing what we don’t have or who we aren’t, and more about celebrating each others’ unique experiences. If we reserve judgment, we can actually come to know ourselves better by comparing and contrasting ourselves with others.

By dropping comparisons that don’t serve us and leveraging comparisons that do, we can not only improve our careers and lives, but avoid the trap of negative comparisons that are both consciously and unconsciously harmful. Our awareness of when we are making comparisons will ensure that they serve us.

Evan Roth is an executive coach and leadership consultant to the corporate world. He can be found at www.coloradoexecutivecoach.com.