Finding Your Happiness - Simple Tips for Taking Responsibility and Letting Go

Posted on January 28, 2010 by Emma-Louise Elsey, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Happiness is something most people want from life – but so few of us are pro-active about it.

We all know someone who just gets on with life and manages to be happy no matter what life throws at them. And we all know someone who has everything they could possibly want – a seemingly great life – but are unhappy. Just look at all those celebrities in therapy and rehab.

So, what do happy people know? Well, happy people recognize that unhappiness is just a “temporary lack of happiness”. They know unhappiness is simply a message that they need to make some changes – and they also believe they have the power to change those things.

Have you noticed that many people, when they feel unhappy, either:

i) FORCE themselves to be happy – often with a guilt trip – think of all those starving people out there!
Or
ii) DISTRACT themselves – maybe with work, a bottle of wine, chocolate, a new gadget, shopping trip or perhaps another evening with friends.

Now these are useful and easily doable ‘strategies’ for minor unhappiness moments. But if what’s bothering you is something you’re ignoring, it will just come back and bite you later. And the more time that passes the more painful that bite…

No-one CONSCIOUSLY chooses unhappiness. Given a choice the vast majority of us prefer to be happy.

So, what is unhappiness anyway? Well, we tend to feel unhappy when we don’t like something in our situation. Local spiritual guru Eckhart Tolle calls this “resisting reality” – where we dislike something in our situation and resist it. In fact most forms of unhappiness come from resistance – which is usually unconscious.

As we’ve already discussed, ignoring your unhappiness simply means it remains – and even grows. So why not get conscious about your unhappiness – identify the cause – and begin to do something about it?

When we begin to see our unhappiness as a necessary part of our growth, we can start to ask some life coaching questions that move us forwards like:

1. “Where am I resisting reality?”
2. “What is this unhappiness trying to tell me about my life?”
3. “What’s most important to me in life? What are my values?”
4. “What makes me truly happy?” And if you don’t know, make a list (of things great and small) and commit to doing 3 of them in the next week!
5. “Which aspect/s of my life could I make changes in to add more fun?”
6. “What 3 small steps could I take this week to move me forwards?”

Or you could simply decide to stop fighting your reality and surrender to what is. Because like everything else in life happiness is a balancing act – we need some unhappiness in order to appreciate our happiness. As Helen Keller said “We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.”

So, remember that un-happiness is merely a temporary dot on the map of life. If you don’t like the location, simply plot a route to somewhere better. Even the planning is a step forwards. Or you can just sit there in misery-town. Your choice.

You may like our Coaching Tool, “What Makes My Heart Sing” found here on our blog Rebel Women Cafe as well as on the Tools and Resources Page at Simplicity Life Coaching.