3 Ways To Build Self-Confidence

Posted on February 20, 2021 by Timothy Welch, One of Thousands of Christian Coaches on Noomii.

Have you ever been in a place in your mind where you thought you weren’t good enough? That was me every day. When I was younger, I was always holding myself back from thinking I was at least good enough. Everything I did, I questioned myself, I thought I did well, and then I went back and changed what I did to find out that my first decision was the right one. I always doubted myself. It got to the point I didn’t even want to try anything because I’ve already told myself I couldn’t do it. It was like that was my default thought. I wouldn’t even allow myself to imagine I was good enough. It wasn’t until I started at a welding shop that my life changed. I cleaned parts from other welders and wanted to learn. A welding team leader by the name of Brian took his time with me. Not long after I started to learn how to weld, I began to gain a little confidence in myself. It was instant knowing if I could or couldn’t. I never had to wait to see if someone approved. I learned what an appropriate weld should look like and if it didn’t look right. I would grind it off and start again. It was the first time I felt good about myself. After lots of practice and countless hours of repeating my welds, I had enough confidence that I took the welding test on that job. I passed. I would feel like a champ on my job, but when I would go home, the doubt would start again. Then I began to wonder, what made me feel so confident when I was welding? Then I got it.

Believe in yourself
I want to first talk about this because this is the main focus, believing in yourself. No matter how many people would tell me I could do something, it wasn’t until I told myself I could is when I did. You may be asking, but how do you believe in yourself? I had to tell myself I could. No matter how many people would tell me I could, it wasn’t until I started to tell myself I could that I did. Every time I made another weld that looked great, it would boost my confidence for the next one, so every time I would do something outside of work, I would trust myself the same way and not try to change it. I would bake a cake (following the recipe), and it would taste great. I would put together a bookshelf for my daughter’s and my wife would tell me it looked great. I had to trust in myself and my ability by doing small things that would boost my confidence a little at a time. There were sometimes when things didn’t go right, then my wife would tell me to let myself off the hook, that it would be alright. I learned she was right. I learned each time I would complete a project that I was better than I thought I was.

Notes:
• Sometimes, no matter what you are doing, you may need to tell yourself you can.
• Begin doing simple things to prove to yourself that you can. Build on those things and go bigger a little at a time.
– If you don’t believe you can speak to a crowd. Start by speaking to stuffed animals, then to a family member you trust. Then go to three family members and read to them and so on. Each time you build confidence in your ability to speak to a crowd.

Looking Back
Another thing I did was to think back to all the past times I came to a hard weld to make (at that moment) and made it look great. By knowing I tried and succeeded, it made me want to push further and harder. That driving force would make me want to go further. In the moments of my mistakes, I had to learn that my mistakes were not my failures. I was only a failure if I would just quit when things got hard. I had to keep in the back of my mind, that if I never made a mistake I would never learn and grow closer to success.

Notes:
• Look back at your past achievements, know you were able to do it then, you’re able to do the same now.
• Mistakes are not failures if you don’t give up. They are only learning lessons for the next time that problem should ever present itself again.

Dealing With Difficult Outcomes
The better I became, the more responsibility I had. I was taking on projects that only a few were able to perform. Soon I was building prototypes for the customers of that company. It seemed each project was a little harder each time. It wasn’t long before I started to doubt myself again and saw my performance drop due to low confidence. In those moments, Brian pulled me to the side and taught me some valuable lessons. First of all, control your breathing. It appears your arms are moving as you begin to breathe. So, when your breathing picks up because you’re nervous, you’re not staying still, and your welds could be off. So I had to learn to calm myself down. Second, he told me to remember all the things I did in the past, how I overcame those difficult tasks. Third, he showed me how to imagine that I could make the weld. This helps you visualize your welds. Lastly, he taught me to get out of my head. It helps if you’re not focusing on the problem so hard. Soon I was able to complete any task without a second thought of doubting myself.

Notes:
• Breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose for five seconds. Hold it in for 5 seconds. Exhale slowly through your mouth for 5 seconds. I recommend doing this 3-5 times and then if necessary.
• In difficult moments, we tend to forget all the times we accomplished tasks that seemed to be hard at first. Like writing a paper for grade school, it may have seemed hard at that moment, but in college, that single paper is now easy.
• Our minds don’t know the difference between reality and our imagination. Our minds are so powerful that if we allow ourselves to imagine doing something, our minds take it as actually being able to do it.

Conclusion
Over the years, I have not forgotten what Brian taught me. The more I followed his lessons, the more confident I became. Now years later I don’t have to think about his lessons, because they became 2nd nature to me. Even though I’m not with that same company, as a welding supervisor at my recent company, I’m able to teach others the same lessons that Brian taught me. I have learned by teaching other people that greater confidence leads to better performance. Some people just need someone to take time with them the same way Brian took his time with me.

Timothy Welch is a Master Life Coach for Forward Focused. He helps both adult men and women who struggle with anxiety and confidence. He is a welder of 11yrs, a father to two daughters, and a husband.