What’s Your Silver Spoon?

Posted on December 12, 2020 by Bennie Fowler, One of Thousands of Leadership Coaches on Noomii.

The following is adapted from Silver Spoon: The Imperfect Guide to Success.

Most people think of a silver spoon as a mark of privilege. When we say that someone is born with a silver spoon, we mean that they were born into a life of ease and luxury.

The implication is that some people have it easy. That, for some of us, struggle is a foreign concept and life is one big party where everything falls into place. I want to challenge that perception.

In my mind, a true silver spoon is an inheritance of positive qualities. The only kind of inheritance that leads to genuine success. I want to tell you about my apparent silver spoons, and about what I consider to be the true silver spoon in my life—the habits I inherited from my parents. I also want to invite you to think about your own silver spoon.

My Silver Spoon

Looking at my background, you might imagine that I’ve had it pretty easy. I grew up in a suburb of Detroit, the son of an attorney and an auto executive, and I went to a private prep school before heading to Michigan State on a football scholarship.

My family was always able to pay our bills and live well. I didn’t come from an inner-city background and dramatically force myself into contention through pestering the coach until he was forced to give me a tryout.

In other words, I don’t fit the Hollywood mold. My story is not the typical rags-to-riches narrative that’s often celebrated in our society, nor is it the story of a trust fund kid out of Beverly Hills. It’s the story of a fortunate kid who nevertheless has experienced plenty of adversity.

If I could distill my core message into one sentence, this would be it: You will struggle, no matter where you come from. Your struggles may be different from mine. That’s okay. We all walk our own path. I want to debunk the notion that well-to-do people don’t face discouraging setbacks or adversity. They do.

My parents never coddled my brother, Chris, and me, or prevented us from facing daunting challenges. Far from it. They never suggested we could afford to back down or take an easier path. They’ve always challenged us to be better—better people, better learners, better athletes.

At age ten, my brother tore the ACL in his right leg. Initially, he was devastated. My mother could have indulged his disappointment. Instead, she told him that he needed to learn how to drive to his left and develop new strengths. I was a basketball player too, but when I ran a 10.9 in the 100 meters in high school, my mother told me that kind of speed would help me more on a football field than on a basketball court.

That’s my mom. She was never harsh, but she was always honest. She told us things we didn’t necessarily want to hear, but they were things we needed to know. Neither she nor my dad felt the need to make Chris and me improved versions of themselves. Instead, they wanted us to be improved versions of ourselves.

“I gave myself the freedom to see who you boys were as opposed to seeing myself or your dad in you,” she told me recently. “I insisted that you be the best at what you are best at.”

A True Silver Spoon

Some people may think that having a suburban upbringing was a “silver spoon” for me, but I don’t see it that way. To me, a true “silver spoon” is something you have that helps you succeed throughout your whole life. Something you didn’t go out and earn—a free gift, like a coincidence of birth or circumstance over which you had no control—but is life changing all the same. Something that leaves such an indelible and positive mark on your life, you’re a better person for it for the rest of your life.

For me, my true silver spoon is the tradition of education, hard work, and perseverance my family practiced long before I came into the world and instilled in me from the moment I was born. Adversity can help you find your true silver spoon. The hard work and perseverance I witnessed daily in my household was and is my silver spoon.

You might find your silver spoon after you tear your ACL, or they call you the third best in the office, or when you are denied second chair or that relished internship, or when you get cut or fired. All that matters is that you find it.

Achieve What You Want to Achieve

When I set out to tell my story, it wasn’t about sharing how easy—or difficult—my life has been. I want to share universal human experiences. No matter who you are, every part of what you do well, every part of what you’re passionate about, requires will, determination, and mental fortitude.

Athletics is what I know. And many athletes have powerful approaches for overcoming adversity, staying focused, and persevering to achieve dreams and goals. But that doesn’t mean these lessons only apply to athletics. The mental and personal characteristics that successful athletes embrace can also help you clear your own path to success.

The best players work to get better every day, regardless of the obstacles they encounter. What sets them apart is their determination and resilience—their ability to bounce back and see past the day-to-day setbacks we all encounter. That’s true in every field. Whatever you want to accomplish, you need determination and resilience.

Whatever advantages and disadvantages you have at this moment, I want you to decide right now that you will achieve what you want to achieve. My mom has some profound ideas on this subject, ideas that encapsulate what it means to be born with a silver spoon… and to still have to work.

“Work before you play and all your life you will thrive,” she always told my brother and me. “You can’t just go out there and have fun all the time. You have to put in the work. The work is what makes fun and games so enjoyable.”

Find your silver spoon. And use it to dig into your challenges.

For more advice on discovering your silver spoon, you can find Silver Spoon: The Imperfect Guide to Success on Amazon.

Bennie Fowler is a six-year veteran of the NFL. He began his career as an undrafted free agent signed by the Broncos in 2014. He spent four years with the Broncos and was a member of the Super Bowl 50 championship team in 2016. Bennie played college football at Michigan State University, where he was a member of the 2014 Rose Bowl championship team. Bennie holds the annual Bennie Fowler youth football camp in Detroit, Michigan, is an in-demand speaker trained through the NFL Speakers Bureau, and lives in Denver during the offseason.