How to Create the Best Date of All Times
Posted on August 06, 2011 by Lynette Vetsch, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Just what is it we do to ourselves and others in a date? What is it that expectations create?
A girlfriend and I were talking one day about how difficult she found it dating, especially now that she is getting a little older. “I never thought I would have to do it again – it is so much work,” she complained. I suppose it can be if you are taking the perspective that finding a perfect mate is one of life’s necessities. You must have the right things in the right places, say the right things at the right times, try to pick out that right outfit, try to be that other person’s “right fit”… And then what happens when it doesn’t work? You have to start all over again with someone else. It can be so much energy spent on something that may not work anyways…what is the point?
When I come home from – let’s put this delicately – a not so fun date with a guy, I would sit back and try to figure out what went wrong. Was it him? Was it where we were? Was it the movie we watched or the food we ate? Was I too self conscious? WHAT in the world was it? It wasn’t until I was discussing this with my current boyfriend that something finally clicked. He brought something into light that most people overlook. His question: What would happen if you just let go?
That was it! Let go… I had been hanging onto expectations of what I thought the date and the relationship, should look like; instead of enjoying what was here and now!
Dictionary.com’s definition of expectations is: (a noun) the act or state of looking forward or anticipating. Expectations are what keep us looking towards the future and preparing for something that might not happen. Expectations usually block us from each moment’s blessings. When we expect things, whether in our day-to-day life or in dating, we are not OPEN to accepting what IS and we end thinking all sorts of scenarios: What if he doesn’t like my shirt? What if he isn’t going to take me where I want to go? What if she has an issue I don’t agree with? What if she doesn’t like the same music I like? Oh my goodness there goes your mind, your energy and not to mention your fun! You are missing out on the here and now and the experience that a particular moment is bringing to your life.
How can we let go of expectations? What is involved? The concept is rather simple actually. TRUST IN AND BELIEVE IN YOU! Once you do that, everything else falls into place. Once you believe that you are the best you can be in that moment, and trust that you are where you need to be, it breaks that block that is not allowing us to enjoy what that moment can bring.
One of the best dating experiences I continue to have with this man is being able to let go and live in the moment. It has brought our relationship to new heights, building playful memories and in essence creating a lot more fun. He has also noticed the barrier is missing and has relaxed a lot more within the relationship as well.
Lynnette Vetsch
Director
Amaxa Coaching and Training Services
http://amaxa-coaching-and-training-services.com
