How can two eyes become one?

Posted on November 08, 2020 by Brian K Hill, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Updated:

How can two eyes become one? This camera image created the idea of focus on changing ONE THING!

Being taught by others, influenced, disciple, coached, admonished, corrected, challenged, something about my character directly revealed
, verbally called out (in public), are like bullets being shot towards me.

In the ghetto growing up in Chicago, I have memories of past traumas; they are not specific. These words, when I hear them, are sort of re-traumatizing the triggers inside my heart and mind.

Therefore, what I have become or yet to become. These traumatic experiences were profound in my heart, and as a result of this reflection, I brought the mindset to California in March of 1979!

In Feb 2018, my new psychiatrist told me in our first meeting that I did not have bipolar disorder.

He calmly said, you have (PTSD) in your life because of what you saw, heard, experienced.

To my surprise, in this one hour I spent with you, and from my experience, this is what you need medication for, PTSD Anxiety and Worry.

Anxiety? PTSD? Worry? Wait; what? Me? Upon hearing this from the psychiatrist, it felt like a real earthquake.

My mind was shaky, as if the real earth was moving, and I could not control what I was hearing from him!

These new words presented to me saddened me. Why?

In 2005, I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder so, I thought I was living one way and was taught, told, and medicated for something that was not true, so 15 years later, I am supposed just to say, okay, I guess your right. You are Dr.

Now it’s 2020, and in hindsight, I had to change my focus and internal dialogue I was having with myself.

Concurrently, he prescribed a new medication. When I realize the books I began to read or listen to also changed. My two eyes became one focus.

Now it’s the COVID-19 pandemic if 2020 and time to pivot and change in a new direction mentally.

I was going back to the idea that I vowed never to allow to happen to me. God knows for how many years I vowed to hold this belief.

Never let someone else direct, influence, disciple, or point out anything unless you have proven to me (that you) know, like, and trust my heart.

Not just with words, appointments, or throwing out spiritual ideas, concepts in a once a week conversation like you are the therapist.

So recently, God showed me that there are trigger words that create anxiety, worry, fear, hurt, and pain (memories growing up in the ghetto that prevents my mental survival so that I feel safe)

Trigger words that set up defensive mental walls to reject and protect my heart.

If they are directly used in my presence out loud in front of others, and I am in a group and can not get out of that moment, then protection mode arises.

Or when the to e directed at me without love first being shown to me where I believe they are not used to harm me, then I feel safe.

Here are the words and phrases that trigger me towards defending my heart

A) ”Being taught by others,
B) influenced,
C) disciple,
D) coached,
E) chastised,
E)corrected,
F)challenged,
G) directly pointed out,
H) verbally called out (in public) are like bullets being shot towards me. I go into defensiveness.

I decided thought out the year
For me to be faithful, hopeful, and love, I have to put it in the context of time and just be God-focused each hour moment by moment, so here’s my effort. I hope it encourages you.

Change is the one clear idea ideology that I will change the vow, what vow I made years ago, which increased my hearts’ defensive position and even locked God out.

My desire today is to become focused on allowing God to break through my protective walls of defensiveness.

Next, allow me to be coached directly with words I can not control others who want to share, impart, or increase my dependence on God. God can walk me through the valley of my internal pain, fears, and anxieties.

For me to be faithful, hopeful, and love, I have to put it in the context of time and just be God-focused each hour moment by moment, so here’s my effort. I hope it encourages you

Matthew 24:12 ERV

¹² There will be so much eviler in the world that most believers’ love will grow cold, but the one who remains faithful to the end will be saved.

Faith 6AM
**********

7:00 AM – Giving with Faith

8:00 AM – Listening with Faith

9:00 AM – Loving with Faith

10:00 AM – Serving with Faith

Noon – Hope

3 John 1:14 ERV

I hope to visit you soon. Then we can be together and talk.

1:00 PM – Giving to Hope

2:00 PM – Listening to Hope

3:00 PM – Loving to Hope

4:00 PM – Serving to Hope

6 PM Loving -

7:00 PM – Giving – through suffering

8:00 PM – Listening – through change

9:00 PM – Loving – through stability

10:00 PM – Serving – through God