10 Keys To Compromising And Still Getting What You Want In A Relationship
Posted on November 08, 2020 by Michelamon'e Henderson MED, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Compromise does not have to be one-sided. You can also get what you want even while compromising. Take note of these keys to find out how.
The word compromise is scary to many people because it reminds them that they have to give up something. Which sometimes can feel like a loss. The thing is, compromising does not always mean you have to lose something. Here is how. Allow the offering of this definition. Compromising means to offer up something of value in exchange of something of equal or greater value. In other words, you want something from your partner and since you desire it, it must be important. Usually, your partner in turn wants the same thing. When you both are concerned with giving, then you both win. There are no losers. Being able to truly compromise without fear doubt or hesitation is ultimately going to improve your relationship and it will create a direct path to love, respect and trust.
So how does a couple create an environment that promotes compromise? Here are ten keys to compromising and getting what you want in your relationship.
1. Do not focus on being right. Learn that being right does not mean you win. As a matter of fact sometimes to win, you have to relinquish the desire to be right. The better thing to be concerned about is, how will this affect the relationship. Or, what is the best thing to do that will affect the best outcome for the benefit of the relationship as a whole. Focusing on the relationship as a whole removes the focus off of you as an individual and ultimately off of the desire for you to individually be right.
2. Be willing to let things go. Holding on to your negative past, past hurts, regrets or fears will always keep you wrapped up in the same pain that those things caused. In order to finally be free of the burdens that these things may have caused, you will just need to let go. Make a decision and sever tie with your broken past, hurts and pains and it frees you to be open to positive possibilities.
3. Modify your expectations. Make sure your expectations match the circumstances. In other words, if you are expecting something from your partner, you want to make sure that not only can you also live up to them, but that they are not created from fear, regrets and mistakes from past partners. But instead they are created from your core values. Values are created from standards that are internal desires brought to your external circumstances. Doing this will remove unrealistic pressure from the relationship, your partner and yourself.
4. Be open to change. Change is inevitable, necessary and healthy in a relationship. Although change is uncomfortable for many people it shows a sign of growth. Now of course, there is could be negative change, like when you are your partner are changing apart from each other. But even in that, if the right things are implemented, that change can pivot into a evolution of bringing you closer together. When you are closed to change and it happens anyway, you open yourself up to fear, doubt, and trust issues. This usually happens when only one part of the couple is changing and the other resists the change. The resistant party then loses confidence in the relationship and many times themselves. Remain fluid when change presents itself and you keep the opportunities for your relationship to blossom available.
5. Be open to vulnerability. The word vulnerable when viewed in the dictionary would scare most people away because it says it means to be completely open to a possibility of attack or harm. Yes in the natural sense of this definition it sounds logically like the wrong thing to do. However, consider the following interpretation of this definition when it comes to a relationship. Being vulnerable to another person you say you love, desire and want to be with is having an unguarded heart, mind, body and soul. Being unguarded allows that person to see who you really are in all facets of your life. They are aware of your weakness, your fears, your doubts and concerns. But they are also aware of your strengths, what brings joy to you, how you thrive and soar. Allowing a person to see this creates a bond that is stronger than hiding these elements of who you are. Does it open you up to possible disappointment? Yes. But disappointment in life cannot be avoided. The key here is to make sure that the person you are in relationship with can be trusted with such a valuable part of you.
8. Be appreciative. Being able to appreciate your partner and they appreciate you is far beyond saying thank you when they do something nice for you or vice versa. Being appreciative means to be in a state of appreciation. This requires you to focus more on the positive rather than the negative. It keeps you planted in the good of what you or your partner offers. Doing this helps you value each other. Things or people that are valued are cared for, cherished and honored. You never throw anything of value in the trash.
9. Keep an open mind. Keeping and open mind requires that you go in thinking only the best in every circumstance no matter what your physical eyes see. There maybe moments when your perception of a situation can be shifted into a negative side. This can happen when you have not been privy to the whole situation or when your background or past is more prominent than the promise of your present and future. In other words, when you allow your past disappointments, fears and failures to lead your perception, you can only see from those lenses. But when you realize that not every person is like your ex and that not every situation produces the same results, you view each circumstance through fresh lenses. The laws of attraction are absolute. You focus on negativity, that is what you will receive. Focus on positive possibilities, and you will receive positive opportunities.
10. Give more than you’re willing to receive. This one is challenging to some people because they focus on what they can get out of their relationship rather than what they can give to a relationship. This behavior is usually stemmed from previous negative experiences. But as stated above, when you start fresh, you are dealing with a new situation. Investing love, appreciation, and time into your partner will eventually give you a great return on your investment. It will eventually, if not immediately, cause them to yield the same toward you. It will also make you feel good because you played full out and gave your best.
All of these things create an environment of compromise within a relationship but more importantly causes those involved to take a real good look at themselves as individuals. This is because in order to do any of these things you have to be doing them out of an overflow of who you are rather than a lack of who you are not. In other words, each person has to already be whole in their mind, body and soul. If they are not, they will not be able to apply these principles and will definitely not even be willing to compromise because they will always feel like they are receiving the short end of the stick. The key component to compromising and getting what you want is truly knowing yourself, loving yourself and understanding the value that you are and bring to the relationship. Once you understand that, it becomes easy to compromise because you understand that you are adding value and receiving value in return.
Michelamonè Henderson, M.ED.
