How To Successfully Get Over A Breakup
Posted on November 08, 2020 by Michelamon'e Henderson MED, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Struggling to get over a relationship? Does the pain just seem to linger on forever? You are not alone. Read on to find helpful tips that work.
Getting over a breakup is determined by how active you are in participating in your healing or not. Many people break up and attempt to move on with their lives per usual. The problem with this, is that their per usual was as a part of a couple in a relationship. Therefore, they need to actively create a new norm. They must do things that will now promote a healthy relationship without the other party and with themselves. When you’ve been in a relationship for any length of time you will have to undo old habits and create new ones. Even the notion to going back to the person you were before the relationship is impossible because you gained new experiences. Every time you gain new experiences you create a new you, negatively or positively. That part is up for you to decide. In other words, in order to get over the breakup you have to create the opportunities to get over the breakup by doing something new. Now part of this process requires you to purge your feelings, which can be crying, talking about it and processing it the best way you can… for a moment. Allow yourself that moment and then get actively involved with the work in getting you back whole. The following steps can help you.
The first step is usually involuntarily started. That’s the purging, having the moment to process and realize what just happened. This will cause you to be emotional because of the hurt. The key here is to put a time limit on this. Now many people believe that they can’t control how long they mourn for something or someone and that is totally false. Love is a choice and a decision. When you decided to love your partner, you decided and you did it. You opened yourself up and you loved them. Letting them go is also a decision. You wrap up that moment, gather yourself and move on. Yes, it sounds too easy to be true but that’s really how simple it is. If you want it to be. The problem with people doing this is because it feels ingenious to their emotions. They believe if they can just move on like that, their feelings must not have been real. That also is false. Drowning in sorrow does not validate your feelings. Acknowledgement of those feelings is validation. But it is nothing wrong with also acknowledging that those feelings are no longer serving you and since they are not, it is better for you to say farewell to them. It does not minimize who that person is or was to you, it just takes your power back over the emotions you had for them. Empowerment can never be a bad thing. Emotions are fluid and in order to master them and they not be a Master over you, you must be fluid with them.
Next, you want to actively distract from the emotions that the breakup caused. You do that by doing things like getting rid of anything that triggers those emotions, starving the memories and doing other productive things. First things first. Delete the pictures, phone numbers, and disconnect from them on all social media platforms. Keeping things that trigger sadness is unhealthy. Also, in order to prepare for a new norm you must first clear your plate of your old norm. Take the time to inform your friends that you are purging yourself from this relationship and you need their help by not engaging you in conversations about this person unless you engage first. But even still, to monitor how long you discuss it and how deep emotionally you go. Remember, you have to actively decide to put a time limit on the emotional purge. Next, starve the memories. When something about them comes to mind, serve your mind notice. Simply by saying something like “Thank you mind for being smart, intelligent and sharp that you help me remember things. But that memory no longer serves me well so I reject it!” . Lastly, once you reject it, replace it with something more productive. You can do this by getting up and moving around, calling a friend, exercising or getting something done on your long list of to do’s that you may have gathered while you were mourning.
Please understand, while you are going through this process, it is a process. It will take some time and effort. But you get to decide on how much time and effort you give it. Remember to give yourself forgiveness and grace and in no time you will be up and running in your new norm with ease.
