5 Red Flags A Relationship Is Going No Where Fast

Posted on November 04, 2020 by Michelamon'e Henderson MED, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

No one wants to imagine that they invested time and energy into a relationship and it is sinking fast into the invisible vortex of all relationships gone bad. They want to believe the best, that everything will work out, but sometimes it just does not. So how does one know what can be done to stop it or to minimize the results of the damaged caused?

Most relationships are not started because the couple is thinking “Whoa, we have a purpose to fulfill! Let’s get together and fulfill it!”. What really happens is they meet, they like each other and they start this thing called a relationship, blindly hoping that it will get them to a grand ending. Typically most people do not really know how that ending will look. However, what they do know, is that they want it happy, full and with someone they can love forever. The problem is most people do not take the time to really understand what that will actually take to get there. Instead, they go in without purpose and end up many times either tripping over each other’s hearts or being “lucky” in love enough that it actually works.

Let me explain. Most people begin relationships in a light hearted manner. This usually keeps them from ruffling too many feathers. On the flip side, it also keeps them from checking in with the relationship consistently to assess its health in terms of longevity and effectiveness. Rather than it being conducive to purposeful, effective and loving communication; it comes out in demands, threats and innuendos pointing towards pointless intentions. Therefore, rather than snidely asking your partner “What are we doing here?”, have an effective conversation that lends to what CAN be accomplished within the relationship. Something like, “I was thinking about our future together… Specifically (fill in the blank to what is important to you)”. Conversations like this come out better and are sweeter to the ears of the listener. Now, that you know a few tips on how a healthy relationship looks when considering the future, let’s view the red flags that let you know that it is not going anywhere fast.

Here are 5 ways you can tell if your relationship is not headed towards matrimonial bliss.

1. You do not discuss your future. One or both parties may speak of future things but they are not together things. Of course you are thinking of your future, you are just not doing so together. This is an issue if you intend to spend a future with anyone. Who ever that person is, you both should be privy to your thoughts and plans for your futures.

2. You have not met important people in their lives. You might meet friends and not the family or the family and not the friends. This is determined by who your partner finds to be most important. Some friends in many cases are closer to people than actual blood family. Although, there is nothing wrong with this, it is a good thing to know and to understand why. This will let you know how you will fair in getting closer to your partner and if you have been introduced to the most important people. Or there maybe a case where you hardly hear them speak of their families and the excuse is, “Because it’s all about us, not our families”. If this is the case, you must also find this out. Again, you want to know and understand the underlying issue as to why your partner feels this way.

3. They do not inquire about your past. People that do not care about where you came from, could not possibly see a future with you. Knowing where you came from tells a lot about a person’s ability to thrive in their future. It also shows you where you stand on their importance scale. Since your past is a big part of who you are, inquiring about your past ultimately helps them understand you better. A person that is not seeking to understand you, is not interested and is not looking for a future with you.

4. You do not spend time outside your homes. Either you are at their house or at yours. Hanging out with friends, going on dates in the public places are almost no nos. The excuse here might be that they are a homebody or do not feel like going out. But do not fall for that excuse. Any relationship worth being in will always be worth pushing past your comfort zone to explore and grow. Always being behind closed doors is a red flag that they are hiding you. Make request to spend time outside the home, if they do not oblige, they may not be that into you and definitely cannot foresee a future with you.

5. Your communication has come down to infrequent texts and even more infrequent phone calls. The communication may rev up only on days you meet up and hang out but stifle out when you are not. Usually when this is happening, only one party is suggesting the meet ups. Otherwise they almost wouldn’t happen. A person that wants to be with you and have a future with you wants to spend as much time with you as possible. They will find as many moments as they can, even if those moments are a couple of hours a day. Remember this, everyone makes time for the things they care about and are important, especially those things that important for their future. If you have not been prioritized in this manner, you are not being considered for a future with this person.

When someone wants to be with you in the present and their future, they make sure to do what it takes to make that happen. People travel through seas, deserts, climb mountains and trek through valleys to get to the one they want. If the person you are with is not putting forth the effort now, they are not thinking about how life would be WITH you in the future. As a matter of fact, you are just dwindled down to something to do for the moment. Take your moments back and find someone else more worthy of sharing them with. It may be challenging in the beginning, but you will be happy you did in the long run.