When the World Broke- A Return to Belonging
Posted on August 14, 2020 by Jenn Kozak, One of Thousands of Leadership Coaches on Noomii.
Forced inward from our busy lives of Doing to Being, turning towards ourselves and our world; becoming conscious of what was broken and being with wha
Many have sensed the brokenness of the world for some time, with climate change and pollution, increased anxiety and depression, rising awareness of inequalities and systems of oppression, broken social systems, inefficiencies in the work place, the overwhelm of busy lives, yet the efforts made to maintain the status quo continue—
Who would have thought that the way we live our lives would suddenly come to a grinding halt and break.
Although this time is unprecedented this moment reminds me of other experiences. Ten years ago, I woke up realizing that I was completely disconnected with myself. I had put so much emphasis both in my professional life as an Engineer and in my personal life as a wife and mother; to achieve and meet other peoples needs, that I had left myself out. Resentful and lost, the pain of this disconnection felt enormous and insurmountable however awareness of this truth was still a gift. I could no longer deny the part of myself that wanted to emerge. This forced me from my life of busy and doing to reflect and turn inwards, to be with parts of myself I had hoped would go away and to learn from their wisdom, to begin the journey of re-connection. I started to practice yoga, meditation, connecting in communities with similar interests and spending time in nature.
I had sensed a brokenness in my marriage for several years, we tried to keep up with the Jones, to make it work, to do better but eventually one day it broke. On the sidelines I reflected on the loss of everything I believed. I had built my life to be and in this emptiness I stood with myself again and in this place where there was nothing to achieve and no one to please I was held deeper by a connection to something beyond. Here there was an openness to life, a safety net, curiosity and eventually room for something new, a way of being.
My favourite season is spring, when nature is renewed, the leaves, the birds, the smell of trees blossoming all of this emerges out of the winter, the sun rises out of darkness and new life begins.
Here in 2020 we find ourselves in a situation with COVID-19 where we are both part of something together as a whole like never before and separated from our world as we know it. This separation brings awareness to the pain and disconnection of our humanity. It reflects how we experience judgement of ourselves and others since we do not have practices and support systems to manage this. Here there is grief of both what has been lost and what has been missing from our lives. A letting go of what was normal and surrendering to what is unknown.
Forced inward from our busy lives of Doing to Being, turning towards ourselves and our world; becoming conscious of what was broken and being with what we have not wanted to look at… it was never the big box stores nor keeping up with the Jones. There is something more meaningful, inclusive and connected, beyond all this is something we belong to. It lives underneath the chaos, in our own sense of knowing; the world as a living system.
In uncertain time, I lean on the natural cycle of re-birth, experience the ending and allowing the loss with a trust in the possibility of something new. When things begin to fall apart there is something left to hold us, something invisible beyond what we know to be tangible, here transformation and creating something new is possible. Safe connection, awareness and fierce courage are important conditions for this growth, just like soil, water and sunlight.
“Hope is created in the present moment; letting go and grieving how things used to be, surrendering not knowing the future. In this space lives an invitation for something new to emerge”
– Jenn Kozak Co-Active Coach, at Return to Self
www.jennkozak.com
