Anger Management & Emotion Control
Posted on July 02, 2020 by Yoni Myers, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Technique to dealing with anger.
Anger Management
&
Emotion Control
By Yoni Myers
israelwithasmile@gmail.com
1
Let me tell you about Zac:
Zac likes to sit in his backyard with loud rock music and a beer. His neighbor came over the one time and asked him not to play that type of music. That he didn’t want his kids to be exposed to such tunes.
“My neighbor makes me see red!” Zac expressed himself. “He has no right to tell me the music I’m listening to isn’t kosher! You know, it’s not like I’m listening to that heavy death metal or what have you. It’s not like the volume is too high or anything. That neighbor of mine…” Zac then began using foul language to describe his neighbor.
2
“Do you need help explaining how correct you are?” I projected. “Or would you like to work on your temper?”
Zac was still red in the face. Though he knew working on his temper would be most conducive.
“You need to understand,” He explained “Once I start getting angry there’s no turning back. Anger fills my whole body. I get this adrenaline rush, light headedness and I feel dizzy. My head then start spinning. I become someone else and there are no limits to what can happen. I yell, curse, throw things, break things. Then it takes forever to relax again. My fingers will be shivering hours after the episode.”
“You let anger get the best of you.” I explained. "Emotions flow through us and we try and be present. Present means that we are aware. We listen to what our body, mind and soul are telling us. Emotions are a dialogue with our spiritual aspect.
Being present doesn’t mean letting the river of emotions drown you. With anger on this level, you need to detach. Be present, but from a distance.
In NLP this technique is called “dissociation and reassociation from the third position”. First position is you, second position the other, third position is the observer. (fourth position is even more general and has to do with the view of an entire society)
3
The Road parable will explain:
A main road is a place filled with cars and sometimes exploding with emotion. You can sit in that traffic, honking and using strong language. Or, you can sit on the side and be attentive and aware. A big truck comes by honking, a red van, a small green car. If you practice emotional awareness and mindfulness you’ll eventually notice the smaller things. A bicycle passing, maybe even a bird fly by. Our subconscious is twenty times more active than our conscience.
4
Now,
Imagine you are seeing your backyard from a drone with an HD camera. You can see Zac, You’re not Zac for the next few minutes. You see Zac and the neighbor. You can hear the music, again from a distance. The neighbor approaches Zac and asks Zac not to expose his kids to such music.
Tell me, what do you feel? Upset, hurt??
Notice, the emotions are there, but they have dropped in magnitude. The anger is not speaking volumes as was before.
Whenever emotions start getting the best of us and we feel like we’re drowning in the river of emotions. Disconnecting and watching as an observer should give us some breathing space.
