Being Enough
Posted on June 18, 2020 by Jonathan Mather, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
My journey through triumphs and pitfalls to find wholeness of self and happiness, being enough.
Being Enough
For me, the path starts when I am five years old:
I’m five years old in my room fuming after another miserable family dinner being teased by my brother.
Scolded by my parents for getting upset.
Wanting to run away, feeling misunderstood, unloved and unlovable.
In my five-year-old brain, I create this story that my family doesn’t love me, I’m not loveable or good enough.
Maybe my brother is right, am I adopted?
My five year old brain decides that if I achieve things, I’m good enough to be loved.
So, I get to work on school and athletics accomplishments.
After school, the search is on for achievement in business.
“I believe you can make over US$100k in less than a year” said my future mentor and boss.
Sitting in a hotel coffee shop, he laid out a plan and showed me where to start.
I am so inspired that someone actually believes in me, I immediately start down this path.
I’m hustling this plan, super focused executing like a maniac and quickly became the top salesperson in the country for three years running.
After winning the President’s Award for sales, we celebrated that night!
Too many Red Bull Vodkas to count… my heart is pounding, not a chance for sleep.
Laying there watching shadows on the hotel ceiling, I wondered.
If this is my last breath, is it enough?
Miraculously, I woke up and had clarity.
Money, chasing commissions never enough isn’t filling me up any more.
Senior Management, status is the answer that came to me.
Off I went into management fast-track programs, working my way to 175 employees.
My kids are growing up quickly while I’m traveling and entertaining for business 3-4 nights per week.
Corporate politics and pressure are starting to take their toll on my mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing without giving me the ‘hit’ it used to supply.
How do I get off this rollercoaster?
Fate had other ideas.
Getting pushed out of my job in the middle of an economic downturn, served divorce papers and lost my mom within days of each other.
I’m in my bedroom mid-40’s just having lost almost everything a man uses for self-identification.
Why all of this at once and what will make me fulfilled from the inside?
What is it about this path that kept repeating?
Searching for love and approval externally, creation and reinvention through struggle, chaos and upheavals, going all in and coming up empty?
I get this email from a guy telling a story about Pete.
Pete is struggling with resentment at how his life has turned out.
He’s pissed off at how his wife treats him.
It all sounds familiar until his stepfather Mike offers advice on a different way of being.
Tears streaming down my face, hot from anger at the injustice of everything collapsing at once, it hits me like a bolt of lightning.
So I click on the email and sign up for coaching with this cowboy from the mountains.
A few weeks later after reading some of the books suggested and some coaching sessions, it hits me.
I am here to help people.
My story has value people can learn from
Help people grow from my lifetimes of experience, continual rebirth and destruction.
What hit me like a ton of bricks, the part I really enjoy about business management is helping people set goals and develop themselves.
From the ashes of my life, I have found a peaceful and calm centered, purpose driven existence full of abundance in many ways.
If this struggle to find clarity, meaning and vision sounds familiar and resonates with yours, we should talk further about how I can help you feel more calm in the middle of a storm.
