Intimately You

Posted on June 11, 2020 by Kara Kanai, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

Sex is the second basic instinct after survival
Sex is such a huge part of a human beings life. Our society is getting more comfortable being able to except and communicate with sex and sexuality but, I believe still many people and couples have a hard time expressing and communication sex and sexuality as if it’s dirty, a sin or unhealthy. Why do couples have such a easy time having sex but, can’t discuss it with each other? Isn’t that crazy.!! I come across many couples of mine that where they have no issue making love but, speaking about with one another just doesn’t happen. How can you communicate what you want, like, dislike unless you speak about it with your partner? Your not comfortable enough to discuss it with your best friend then why feel close to one another if that connection is missing of trust, safety and compromise. Either way eventually a couple will face hard conflicts with one another due to not being able to talk about sex.

Why is it so hard?
Some people are religious and their old fashion traditional ways carry on from what their parents taught them
You were raised in a sex- negative home growing up
Some dirty, unhealthy and unnatural.
Facing insecurities and inhibitions
Owning your sexuality
Being able to own up to your sexuality has you actually access more self-awareness about yourself and your personal development. Being able to own up your sexuality and embrace what and who you are as a person is a pat on the back. It doesn’t always come to natural to others that they can OWN it and tell the world “This is what I am, this is what I like and you can take it or leave it!” I praise people that are proud of their sexuality as well they should be, it’s a part of them, it who they are. What do I mean? Your sexuality is a personality trait of who you are. Believe it or not think of 8 piece of pizza and filling it with different personalities you carry. There’s the sensitive you, the caring, the crazy and wild one, the organized and sophiscated one, the nice and bubbly one, the mean and grumpy, the geeky and weird one and finally the submissive and daring one. It a personality of who you really are at your weakest and vulnerable you. Your final you. Not everybody has the chance to see this personality to often because your not willing to share it with just anybody. You believe somebody special should be able to only see this side of you. Wrong! Actually the more you share this with the world the more you open and self-acceptance comes to a new welcoming. Confidence and attitude come into a new way of showing the world you don’t give a fuck what they think. This is you and your gonna love yourself no matter what. We like what we like. it’s wired in our sexuality. For example: I would love to make love to a woman because I am attracted to them as well as men. I’m in a committed relationship with a man right now and have 2 children with him. If I come across a woman I find attractive of course I’m going to fuck her. I deserve to finally feed my desires and give them what they want considering I accept that sexuality of mine. That’s who I am and I’m going to enjoy my sexuality and finding woman beautiful I surely do. Have I ever hooked up with a woman before no. It doesn’t mean I should hold back that fantasy that needs to be fulfilled. If I could and maybe will be with a man and woman at the same time I will or would. Of course I would have to get my man’s permission and communicate my needs to him as well. Because being a partnership is all about being open and honest with each other. Communicating your needs, wants and desires is huge and will only make you closer as a couple. If my fiance’ wanted to met a fantasy of having a threesome I would find the girl I found attractive as well make sure I got to know her and have her understand our intentions. Not only wanting to fuck her but, date her. Make sure she was treated like a queen but, fucked like a porn star and loved like a child. This is my sexuality though I own it for the best I express how I feel and it feels good to be truly me. Being nothing but honest with yourself is truly freeing.

How to get access to your sexuality
Self-pleasure- Play with yourself and for many woman they have a hard time looking or being with themselves like that. But understand this if you wouldn’t want to fuck you who else would? Look at it like that. Make sure you get to explore what you like and don’t like by yourself..What turns you on? Porn? What kind? Lesbian or gangbang? BDSM? Let yourself explore freely with no taboos or inhibitions toward yourself. Let your mind explore toys and erotica.

I advise all my female clients to masturbate in front of a full- length mirror to get a good look at your vulva and vagina and inside and out. See yourself for what you truly are and watching yourself while your doing it. Just to turn yourself on even more. Believe it or not but, watching yourself play with yourself can be most of the arousing things. And you may only want to masturbate in front of mirror for now on. So what’s your homework? Oh yes! Masturbate, try to masturbate everyday to release sex endorphins that make you happy and release tension and make you feel closer to yourself and it will boost your sex drive the more you do it. If your already comfortable masturbating try doing it in front of your partner while they watch without intercourse. YES WITHOUT INTERCOURSE! If your comfortable with masturbating in front of your partner. Try mutual masturbation with only touching yourself until you may want to play with your partner. Ask questions like “Do you like when I stroke you like this, I seen you doing it this way.” Talk dirty ask you let go in front of your partner, get naughty show off and show that you love yourself and fucking yourself. Ladies show your man you like hitting your G-spot and spitting on your clit and rubbing at the same time. Don’t leave the anus out, it’s one erogenous zone on the human body. Play with your anus… make sure you use plenty of lube and start to just rub the anus and then if you comfortable you may insert a finger just make sure you are real relaxed. Fingering your anus really can have your climax become just as strong with the G-spot and clitoris being stimulated all at the same time.! That’s called a Trigasm.

Communicate to your partner.
Tell them what you want and need. Tell your man “I need you to have sex with me while we watch porn”, Tell him your want him to climax on your titties and slap his penis on your clitoris when your climaxing. Be specific. Tell him you want to sit on his face while you have a butt plug in. Tell him to hum on your clitoris while he licking your clitoral hood. Let him he can explore just as much of the outside of the vagina and then to experiment the inside showing him around. Show him how you want to be fingered. Maybe you want to be treated a dirty slut cause your sick of being a full-time mom. Men tell her to look into your eyes while she’s sucking your penis. Or that you want her to try and swallow your sperm because she’s never done it before. Try reaching your limits.

For more kinky people, try blindfolding your partner, then without them having sight it heightens their other senses. It’s called sensory deprivation. Have her guess what your doing to do next, take your time. Foreplay is nothing to rush. Simply start massaging her inner thighs and maybe some light kisses. (She’s gonna think your going to go for oral) Then give her some erotic talk like your “Pussy looks so wet!” “Your so beautiful”, she’s be moaning and groaning like crazy. Maybe insert a finger in her vagina and then have your taste it, not guessing. Put some massage oil over her breasts and giving her a nice nipple massage by caressing her whole breasts then taking your index finger and thumb met giving her a light pinch. In a circular motion. See how she reacts to the way your tease her nipples her body will give you ques and her moans will tell you the right way she likes it. Some people that like having sex in groups can be super hot. Try having a threesome or even foursome, two girls and two men or 3 girls and one man or 4 girls whichever you prefer this your sexuality. The more sexual partners you have the more you establish more about yourself. Maybe you want double penetration, and a girl eat you out at the same time. Or maybe your fantasize about squirting on a female’s face and she swallows your juices. Do you want someone to fuck you with a strap-on… gag you with their penis? Do you want to be filmed in a group sex that way you can go back to the memory and show your partner what you made before. Or if you wanted to become a porn-star you stictly have to make sure you have a specific talent that makes you stand out from the rest, make sure you really like sex and are comfortable with your sexuality and your body.

Were all unique being able to express that to other in a sexual way isn’t a bad thing. Being able to not express anything to yourself or your partner is a bad thing because it’s never going to go away and your conflicts will get worse. Their could possibly be an attempt of somebody cheating or having an affair due to lack of sexuality. Many of us have fantasies that need to be fulfilled into a reality. Some will as they need to be. Some have consequences so be careful what you really want to act out. For example: You may want to have sex in public but acting it out can actually have you catch a charge and get put on the list. Or you want to act out a threesome but, your partner wasn’t completely cool with it and ends up having the worst time or even worse showing more attention toward the other female which creates jealous. It all has to mutual. Express and communication will only bring you closer like I’ve said before. Being able to express your own sexuality and owning it is up to you as an individual. Make sure you fully start to love yourself. Personal development is what it’s all about, building confidence in yourself and in your relationship to be sexually satisfied is huge.