Connecting With and Tapping Into Your Unconditioned Self
Posted on June 09, 2020 by Bobbi Beuree, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Learn what's going on beneath the surface that is dictating your overall experience of life in order to move from reacting to mindfully responding.
The person we think we are is actually the personality we have developed over time that is rooted in our very first experiences of the world. Our conditioned sense of self is often referred to as our ego. It’s the constructed version of us, rooted in the subconscious part of our minds, that holds tightly to traits and beliefs that we developed when we were little – when we were still very literal and took on the behaviors, beliefs, and traits of the people around us. We also accepted as truth the messages we received, either verbally or through actions, about our abilities, traits, and potential. We had no abstract or critical thinking at that time – we were little sponges that soaked up everything around us and saw it as relating directly to us, even if it actually had absolutely nothing to do with us (i.e. the actions or moods of others). We believed the messages we took in, and the interpretations we made about those messages, and they became part of our story of “I am….”.
Your ego holds very tightly to this version of yourself and the people and world around you. It will reject anything that does not fit into the rigidly held beliefs because other perspectives and versions of reality feel unsafe and threatening. Keep in mind that the ego is part of your subconscious mind and largely out of your conscious awareness. It is this part of us that reacts emotionally in situations that challenge our tightly held view of the world, which is very much black-or-white or right-or-wrong, with very little room to allow for new insights and perspectives. Change is not something the ego is even remotely comfortable with – it thrives in predictability and familiarity, even if things are not particularly positive or constructive. And it will use all kinds of strategies to keep you there, to keep you “safe”. These include using defense mechanisms, making comparisons to others, and amping up your critical inner dialogue in order to maintain status quo and keep you the same.
Becoming conscious means, first and foremost, acknowledging that we all have an ego-self, as well as a deeper unconditioned core-self, and then challenging our deeply embedded, programmed ways of thinking, believing, and being and moving towards emotional healing, where choice then becomes an option.
Some ways to do this include:
- Practicing mindfulness and meditation to tap into your actual current experience, rather than allowing the lens of the past to cover it over or distort it
- Practicing acceptance of all your thoughts and emotions, while resisting the tendency to judge, criticize, or condemn the ones that your inner voice tells you are unacceptable
- Practicing authenticity by showing all aspects of ourselves, even those we may believe are not acceptable, to those we trust
You will notice that I’ve used the word “practice” because that is exactly what it takes to heal and change aspects of our ego-self – to change the stories you have told yourself for so long that they became your reality. Be patient with yourself, keep an open mind, and commit to digging deep to uncover the beliefs that keep you stuck in a story that was never truly of your choosing. In this way, you can make the shift from reacting (from an unconscious, conditioned frame of mind that is rooted in the past) to responding (from a centered, self-aware frame of mind that is rooted in the present moment). Remember to practice self-compassion along the way – the process of emotional healing can be challenging and requires self-love and patience, but the end result will be a deep sense of empowerment where you can create your own reality!
