Perfectionists in relationships: they do most of the work

Posted on June 01, 2020 by Nermine N, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Perfectionists in relationships do most of the work.

A perfectionist is a very demanding person, often sensitive and empathetic, hence their great level of refinement and self- questioning.

In arguments or misunderstandings, they’re the ones who end up analyzing the situation, reliving each detail, reading books, investigating on YouTube, and taking courses.

When people walk 2 miles in their direction, they walk 8 miles to meet them where they stand.

This shows a great amount of generosity and novelty.

It can also be one of the reasons things seem to begin in their lives and end up abruptly.

For no good comes from doing too much, too well, too soon.

Having a closer look at the dynamic perfectionism creates, and maintains, in a relationship, things don’t appear to be black and white anymore. For it is, in fact, not very generous to prevent a person from thriving, understanding, and becoming a better human being.

If only one of the two persons involved in a relationship is a perfectionist, that person will often tend to be quicker than his/ her partner, which can be problematic and fuel for a pattern to stay.

People will not know why they feel like distancing themselves from a perfectionist, for this will come from an unconscious need to exist on their own, make mistakes, and be responsible.

When this need is threatened, people leave.

I know this can hurt because a perfectionist’s heart is filled with benevolence, the best of intentions, and true care.

But balance is nice.

Perfectionists, if they would just be willing to relax a little bit, will find how generous it is to let people grow on their own and meet them half-ways.

Should you be one, see the ways in which you try to accommodate others and neglect, or even suppress, your own life.

Redirect that benevolent energy towards your own goals and trust that people can make it. Also trust that, since we all need eachother at some point, people will come to you should they need to.

Last but not least, also remember that you can, and have to, go to others when you need to. Perfectionists often don’t see this as an option, but this is crucial, in order to give well, to be able to receive well.