Prioritizing yourself is a good deed

Posted on May 28, 2020 by Maria Petrovic, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Even thinking about prioritizing myself used to feel arrogant, self-centered and selfish. Many of you might feel the same. We grew up in the society that teaches us to think that we should always take care of others first, that it’s the noble thing to do, and ignore our own needs.

However, it is important to realize that it is not selfish wanting to be happy and wanting to do things that you’re really excited about, in your own way. It’s essential.

These are very clear signs that you are neglecting your own well being:

1.Everyone else’s needs come before your own
You base your happiness on what you can do for others
You’ve taken care of everyone else for so long, that you forgot to do things for yourself
You are not where you want to be, because you’ve been doing things for other people
New thinking:
You can’t blame others for not being happy or fulfilled (it was all YOUR choice)
It’s time time to prioritize yourself and find out what makes you happy,
Ask yourself – am I doing this because I want to or because I think I should and I don’t want to let other people down
Am I really too busy to take care of myself?

2.You believe self care means being selfish
For you, self care is something you do after everyone else’s needs are met.
You think you’re better equipped for taking care of everyone, however,
It’s still overwhelming sometimes how little time you have for yourself
New thinking:
Self care is the opposite of being selfish, it enables us to take better care of our loved ones.
You can’t fill other people’s cup if your own is half empty.
Self care is antidote to stress – we build resilience so we can better cope with challenges.
Support others, but nurture yourself first
Set clear boundaries, say NO more often – and understand that every time you say YES to something, you’re saying NO to something else.

3.You mistake rescuing for caring
You arrogantly think you know what’s right or wrong for other people
You want to prevent others from making mistakes
New thinking:
Stop trying to run other people’s lives (controlling)
People need to learn their own lessons – if we are constantly “rescuing” others, we are denying them the opportunity to grow and develop. We are enabling them to stay helpless and we are adding stress to our own life
Try providing support for someone who asks for help – it is very different from taking it upon ourselves to save them and tell them how to live their own life

4.You are accustomed to relationships that are based on neediness not love
You give and give, but is it really a selfless act, or are you enjoying being the savior?
You have a feeling that, as long as they need you, they will also love you?
New thinking:
If we take care of ourselves first, we will be able to give from a place of wholeness and authenticity, without expecting anything in return

5.You don’t realize that you teach people how to treat us
Do you play the role of “nice guy” (people pleaser) or the “victim”
You put up signs that you will sacrifice yourself to help others and you attract the sort of people that need rescuing
New thinking:
Notice why is it that you feel the need to put others as a priority – what story are you telling yourself?
You teach other people how to treat you, by your own actions and attitudes toward yourself – be mindful of that

6.You expect others to take care of you
You feel resentful when you don’t get back in equal measure that you’ve given
You give all of your support and love but keep none for yourself
You expect others to fill in the gap they can’t fill, and then realize that it’s your self-esteem that’s missing
New thinking:
Be kind to and love yourself (self acceptance is crucial)
Be Ok with asking for help

7.You don’t realize your self worth
You think others are worth more than you
New thinking:
If you treat yourself as worthy, this is what you will get back
Self love is crucial – key to meaningful relationships
Identify the negative self talk and change it to positive
Know that you are enough
Believe in yourself. Do something every day and celebrate achievements

Key reflections:

Let go of the story that prioritizing yourself and having needs is selfish.
This might take time, so be gentle and patient with yourself.

Understanding why you’re not making self care a priority is crucial. Go inward, get clarity. Take responsibility.

Understanding what you want and need can be one of the biggest revelations of your life. When was the last time you asked yourself – What do I want?

Accept your own needs for what they are. Don’t judge yourself. Let go of expectations. – It is very important to be your authentic self and fully embrace yourself and your needs.

Actually putting yourself first and tending to your own needs, after neglecting them for so long, can be a tough job. It can be hard to let others know about your own needs. We are afraid of looking selfish or being a burden to others. However, being honest and direct about our own needs creates a mutually respectful environment, where everyone feels safe to be fully themselves.

Check in with yourself often – Are my needs being met? If not, what can I do about it?
After accepting yourself fully and your needs, when you are your authentic self, you’ll feel happier and be more available for all of your relationships.

Set the example of how you want to be treated. Honor yourself and others will honor you, too. Honor your own needs, and others will honor them, too.