Don't react to people's reactions

Posted on April 21, 2020 by Nermine N, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Have you ever answered the phone knowing perfectly you shouldn’t?

And when you do, it is to find out that you have to be the silent recipient of an intense emotion.

Well, first, don’t be mad at yourself for having felt that you shouldn’t pick up, but did anyway. The reason is that the action of picking up the phone immediately when it rings, has quite an important momentum, and it is not easy to redirect it into another type of reaction.

Next time, you’ll know better that intuition is a great friend and that, that nod in you stomach, was there for a reason.

Second, when you find out the person on the line is extremely emotional because he/ she probably called you right after something has happened to them, there is no other choice, now that you’ve picked up, than to actually listen.

But do not react to people’s reaction.

For this is a loss of energy.

What they need at that precise moment, is to take it out.

If you get tangled into the spiral and start to invest and give advice, not only will all your nice thoughts be lost, but you will, eventually, start to feel bad yourself.

No advice can be given until that intense energy has left the body.

Once this has happened, the person can actually share, talk and listen.

Whether on the phone, or in direct, it is necessary, for your sake, and the other person’s sake, to recognize right away what it is all about.

When we’re talking about intensity, the content is often not even important.

If you can listen passively, great! Specially with family members, where everything seems to be more difficult.

If you can’t, something else actually happens that is very interesting…

People usually calm down by themselves! Yes, they do.

They even find the solution to their discomfort looking inwards.

So, what will now be your relationship with your phone and your incoming calls? Do you tend to always be available? Do you think you can, just from time to time, skip a call or delay it?

It is so easy to be triggered and to trigger.

A few minutes of unavailability often makes a big and considerable difference.

If you are not used to it, you may feel guilty for not always being there for others.

But people have their own power, and giving them the time to get it back, is, actually, loving and generous.

Question is: do you trust people enough? Or do you always feel you have to be their teacher?

If the answer is “Yes, I feel responsible for them”, do you think it is appropriate to feel that way? All the time and with everybody?

Also, people will always react to your energy far more than they will to your words.

For your energy is the mirror they see themselves in.

So if you remain calm during the storm, you’ve done all the work that needed to be done.

No words, no reactions.

Again, the best case scenario is to pick up and remain passive and calm, but if you can’t, just give it a little time, it is best for everyone.

While this is all not groundbreaking news, it points to a deeper, and broader, aspect of our lives, which highlights, not only how we deal with adversity in general, but more importantly, and how we perceive it: do we live by fear or confidence?

The need to step in, immediately, often comes from a lack of trust in Life and God.

It is ruled by an inner urge to always intervene, not relying on anybody or anything.

Even religious people, or believers, can be doing this, for it has nothing to do with faith, but with life experiences.

It is a kind of PTSD, but softer.

For all this really leads to a darker area of our unconscious mind, where hurt took place, and dwelled.

For this fragile inner space of grief can’t possibly admit any other guest, whether permanent, or temporary, and pushes us to act, constantly, fleeing desperately.

Understanding the process helps immensely in the treatment of it.

Breathing deeply into the wound that could have been triggered by the people, or circumstances around us, and delegating the acting to a Higher, more Benevolent force, until we feel better and more “in power and control” is advisable.