Why Letting Go Of Love That Hurts May Be Painful But Necessary
Posted on April 05, 2020 by Mitzi Bockmann, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Letting go of love can hurt but it is often for the best.
Are you really struggling with a toxic relationship and wondering if letting go of love that hurts might be the right thing to do?
Does the thought of ending it fill you with pain and despair because you know how hard it will be to break away from your person? Are you worried that if you leave this person you will never love or be loved again?
Unfortunately, it is these two thoughts that keep people in relationships that are painful and toxic. I am here to tell you that getting out of them, while it might be painful, is the best chance that you have at happiness.
How? Let me share.
- – Toxic relationships are distracting.
A big reason why letting go of love that hurts is essential for a good life is that being in a toxic relationship can make it hard to focus at work and in life.
How much time do you think about your relationship? Do you find it hard to concentrate at work because you are replaying the fight you had over the weekend?
Do you find yourself sitting in your car, wondering what would be next for you if you left your person, only to find that twenty minutes has passed and you had no idea?
Is getting dinner and helping with homework more than you can handle somedays because you are so preoccupied with the pain you are in?
Being in a toxic relationship can make it impossible to be present in your everyday life. Letting go of love that hurts is exactly what you need to do before obsessing about it gets in the way of your job or your kids’ mental health.
- – You are not healthy.
In many ways, being in a toxic relationship is worse than pneumonia or the flu.
When you are deeply unhappy, your health will deteriorate. Your obsessive thoughts might keep you up nights and you might not be sleeping well. Depression might be preventing you from getting outside and interacting with friends. You might be eating too much, or too little, not nourishing your body the way you should.
If you are in a toxic relationship, one that is causing you nothing but pain, letting go of love that hurts might be exactly what you need to regain your health.
Imagine spending the rest of your life living with this unhealthy behavior? Can you imagine how that would feel? Not so good I am guessing.
- – True love will be elusive.
If you are wasting your time staying in a toxic relationship because you fear the hurt that you will feel, or the hurt that you will cause another person, know that staying in this relationship will guarantee that you will never find the person who will love you truly.
If every moment of your day is spent obsessing about how unhappy you are or how much you want out of this relationship, you will have no energy to put out to the world to attract happiness. Instead, you will attract nothing but darkness because like attracts like.
And, obviously, if you are in a relationship, the chances of you finding another relationship are virtually zero.
Letting go of love that hurts might be painful in the moment, and maybe for a few moments, but if you can get away from this toxic relationship you have a much better chance of finding the love that you want and deserve.
- – It will be good for your person.
I remember when I was married and I was brutally unhappy, whenever I considered leaving my husband part of what I considered was that it would be better for him if we were apart.
I knew that he was as unhappy as I was and I knew that if I could let him go he would have a chance at true happiness. Me letting him go would be the best thing for him.
I couldn’t do it, however, because the thought of him with someone else filled me with too much pain.
But think about your person. You loved them once and might love them still. Would the best thing for them to be out of this never-ending toxicity and be given a chance to be happy? Even if it’s painful for you, might it be the right thing for them?
Think about it.
- – You will get to know yourself again.
One of the best things of letting go of love that hurts is that, in doing so, you will get to know and love yourself again.
For many of us who have been in toxic relationships, whether short or long, we often lose a piece of ourselves.
I was in a relationship with a man for about a year. We loved each other very much but our relationship was fraught with issues. I wanted to end it but he wouldn’t let me go so I kept on coming back to him, even if I knew it wasn’t good for me.
At the end of the year, I found that I was a shell of the person I was when we met. A year of not taking care of myself, of being consumed with someone who wasn’t treating me well, of having my needs ignored and debasing myself by staying had rendered me someone I couldn’t even recognize.
When I finally got the nerve to leave him, and stay away from him, for good, I was finally able to get to know myself again. To remember that I was the kind of person who had a lot to give to the world and that there were a lot of people who loved me. I had forgotten about that person and I was so glad to have her back.
Do you know who you are today? Wouldn’t you love to get to know, and love, yourself again?
Letting go of love that hurts can be one of the hardest things that you can do.
Loving someone means you give your heart and your hope for the future over to another person. Unfortunately, love isn’t perfect and sometimes relationships just aren’t meant to be.
If your relationship is making you unhappy, it’s time to walk away. If you do, you will get healthier, you will be able to focus again and you will get to know yourself. Your person will be happier and you will be able to finally find true love.
How great would that be?
