Posted on April 24, 2014 by Sharon Beyer

image by Rolands Lakis adapted for use under creative commons

Having recently celebrated my one month wedding anniversary, the discussion around having children has begun. My husband and I started talking about the 10 things we would ensure that our children heard from us as they grew. The result was a great conversation between us and our personal list of 10.

10 Things Your Child Needs to Hear You Say

1. I love you

Saying this phrase is important, but showing meaning through your actions is even more important. Love and connection are at the essence of every human being. Without the emotion connected to this one simple statement, people can lose their sense of belonging.

2. I’m proud of you

Life does not come with an instruction manual. We try our best to change habits, try new things, and achieve goals and knowing that others are noticing our efforts provides boost of self-esteem and appreciation of our efforts, at any age. This is the one message we long to hear from our parents.

3. I have time for you

Play outside with your young child, go to lunch with your teenage child, go on a trip with your adult child, and listen to them whenever they need to talk. Whatever you do, just take the time to spend moments with your children. Be a present parent! Not only is quality time together “I love you” in action, but it will assist in building an important connection with your child. Great ideas for making quality time!

4. I hear you

How often do you really feel heard? On those few occasions when you felt deeply heard, how did it impact you? For me, it was like coming home: it was as though, finally, someone got me. The person who heard me could not have given me a better gift of love. Whether you agree or disagree with a person’s reasons for something, allowing them to share their opinion is a great act of respect. It sets the tone for an appreciation of multiple perspectives and empowers the speaker. Web MD provides an interesting article on the value of listening to your children.

5. I’m sorry

Believe it or not, sometimes parents will be wrong and it is okay for your child to know about it. Explaining why you are sorry and what you might do different the next time is a valuable modelling tool. Saying “I’m sorry” teaches children that everyone makes mistakes, and the important thing is to take responsibility for an action if you feel you have hurt someone.

6. Go Play Outside

Especially in this technology laden world, there is so much value that comes from being outside. Being outdoors is important because of all the skills it can develop, including making friends, physical stamina, stress relief, imagination, independence, and a sense of adventure.

“When we treat children’s play as seriously as it deserves, we are helping them feel the joy that’s to be found in the creative spirit. It’s the things we play with and the people who help us play that make a great difference in our lives.” ― Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers)

7. Never Stop Learning

Learning is what expands the mind and learning through reading, travel, listening, observing, examining, and doing provides opportunities to experience and be open to other people’s perspectives. Why see the world in black and white when there are so many beautiful colours!

8. Respond Mindfully

People who think before they speak greatly improve their ability to manage difficult situations and create lasting social connections. Before reacting, you have to place yourself into the other person’s shoes, finding words that are appropriate for the situation, and managing emotions – all great tools for any child at any age! Here are some tips for practicing mindfulness with your children.

9. Take Care of Your Body

It is the carrier of your dreams throughout your life: you only get one body, treat it with respect and health. Without energy, you cannot accomplish all the things you could have otherwise. Respect your body and what you put into it, you will get out of it. As children get older, this message will assist in helping them identify things that fuel and harm their body. Check out Sesame Street’s Healthy Habits for Life series.

10. You have Choices

No one can take away your power of choice. You are an active participant in your life and because of that, you will always have a choice. Each moment can be used to strengthen you, each difficult decision to teach you. Bad things will happen, but you have choices as to what to make of the good and the bad moments, always!

“You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you need to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are.” ― Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers) 

Clearly, this list is not ranked and being able to rank the list was nearly impossible. They are all equally important and necessary at different phases in life. Every parent’s list of their 10 things will offer something different, something that captures his/her essence and that of the people they bring into the world.

What is on your list of 10 things that your child needs to hear you say?