Posted on December 9, 2011 by Kara Exner
Philanthropy in action - Sol & Grady, all smiles with food for the food bank
Each year on their birthdays, our two little boys turn into philanthropists: they request that their birthday party guests bring something for less fortunate children in lieu of a birthday gift for themselves. That’s right – they forego the excess of shiny new toys and games for the sake of giving to other kids who are not nearly as fortunate as they.[1]
Oh we’ve heard it all – my husband and I – about how they’re being denied a fundamental staple of birthdays, about how this isn’t fair to them, and so on.
And I think, “Really? Are they really missing out on something so important? Or are they gaining something much more meaningful?â€Â
Only time will tell, I suppose, but right now, the answers to these questions can be found by listening to Solomon and Graydon themselves. And I think the rest of us have a lot to learn from what they have to say:
Lesson #1: “I already have enough stuff.â€Â
That bears repeating, doesn’t it? I already have enough stuff. It doesn’t take much to look around the shelves in their rooms or the toy boxes in the basement or the sports equipment bins in the garage to see that they do indeed already have enough stuff.
So what would happen if more of us admitted that we don’t need any more stuff? If we turned our focus away from accumulating more things, and toward giving to others? Would we miss out? Or would we hardly miss it?
Lesson #2: “I think giving these things to other kids will make them happy.â€Â
A good reminder that it doesn’t always have to be about me and what I need or what I want – it can be about someone else and what would help them feel good. It can be about realizing that I’ve got it pretty good, and so I want to try to help someone else. Craig and Marc Kielburger have done a fabulous job of turning this concept into an international movement, called Me to We, which is extremely popular with youth (just watch the video below!).
So what if more of us simply thought more about other people? And about how we can help them or “make them happy�
Lesson #3: “I just want to have fun with my friends.â€Â
This statement is in response to the question, “What are you most looking forward to about your birthday?â€Â
Now, our boys do get a few gifts on their birthdays (from us, grandparents, close cousins, each other), so it’s not that presents are entirely out of the picture at our house. But when it comes to anticipating their birthdays, they most look forward to the experience. The fun with friends, the games, the free play time, the treasure hunts, etc.
Now Christmas is coming and many of us are putting together lists and making time to shop for gifts. AND, what would be different if we put more of our attention on the experience of the holidays rather than the stuff we give and receive? And what if we put some attention on helping those less fortunate have a better holiday experience themselves?
The Bottom-Line
Are our kids perfect little boys? No, not at all!
Are we perfect parents? Of course not. I have had more “bad parenting days†than I care to count.
But what I learn from my kids throughout the entire year is that it is simple, easy, and rewarding to give to others. And I like to imagine what the world would be like if more of us followed their lead.
Notes
[1] Here are the details on the boys’ philanthropic efforts:
For five years running, our oldest boy (he just turned 7) asks his guests to bring contributions for those Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes. The shoeboxes get filled with small toys and other items like pencils, books, and bars of soap, and get shipped to children in developing countries around the world.
And our younger boy (he’s 4 ½) asks his party guests to bring contributions for birthday kits which go to families that use our city’s food bank. This way the family gets a box filled with cake mix, icing, candles, balloons, paper plates, cups, small toys, etc. – so that their children can have a birthday party, when they wouldn’t have had the chance otherwise.
I find this post very thought-provoking at a time when I am overwhelmed with the busy-ness of Christmas, and “obligated” giving when I would much rather express my appreciation throughout the year in various ways to those I love. What do I remember from my birthdays? Not the gifts… I remember the friends, the cake, and fun. =)
It is great to read about the efforts of two little boys to change the world. I have seen many examples of young people stepping up to the plate and serving their community. As adults we can learn from these boys .. we do have enough
This is a good reminder for us all – do we remember the gifts or the family and friends. I think the latter is engrained in our memory.
This is a wonderful and heartwarming story! Among all the skills we teach our children, and the qualities we wish for them to have, we often do not give much thought to generosity and kindness. These boys are a great example of what is possible. You and your family are such a gift to this world, Kara!
excellent… your boys will grow with a high sense of awareness and compassion – just what our world needs.
Thanks, Naomi. That’s a great point about what WE remember from our birthdays. It’s so true — I remember the friends and all the fun, too.
Kara, a very timely post to make us pause during a time when many of us are caught up in the consumerism of the season. You and Scott are teaching Sol and Grady wonderful lessons. They will grow up to be compassionate, happy and contributing citizens.
I love this idea. In a world where children have more toys than they know what to do with, having the opportunity to give to others is a creative way to share the wealth. Well done, Kara, Soloman and Graydon.
What an excellent idea ! Thank you for sharing – birthday parties are fun but the presents do fill up the house – a perfect solution with a positive message. We will be incorporating this in our family.
Thanks for your comments, All! It’s encouraging to see how the message is resonating!
Marion’s right — there are many examples of how both young and old step up every day to make a difference. It all counts!
Heather, Sheena, and Nancy: Great reminders about how we can be intentional in the skills and qualities we want to instill in our kids. (Our elementary school is taking steps in this direction, too, which is great reinforcement!)
Anna: Great to hear you’ll try this idea in your family– have fun with it!
Fantastic read! I think a lot of adults could learn from your boys! (Me included).
This was so well written. Valuable content placed in a form not only easy to understand but also written in a way that produced zero feelings of judgement to those who ‘aren’t quite there yet’. Thanks so much for sharing what you shared and the way in which you shared it. I for one, Always need to be reminded what’s truly important, and am happy when someone takes the time to do it kindly.
Thank you for sharing this story with a much broader audience Kara. The actions of Sol and Gradon are such a significant learning for all of us.
I am so impressed by the boys! What an incredible gifts you have given them: gratitude for what they have and an understanding of what other kids don’t have. And it is a message that is pertinent year-round but particularly in these busy days leading up to Christmas. Also, it is a reminder of what matters (experiences that make precious memories for us and our children) and the message is most appreciated!!
Thank you for your supportive comments, Everyone! It is great to hear that the message is being received in the manner it was intended. Happy Holidays!
Solomon and Graydon are two very caring and sharing boys. Solomon thinks nothing of sharing what he has even though it would mean that he would go without. And Graydon is certainly following in his foot-steps. As an example, Graydon, who love his strawberries, shared his last with me by biting off the end and then giving the end he bit off to me! And yes, I did eat it!
They are two very wonderful little boys!
Grandma and Grandpa
You should be proud and I can tell that you are!
Kara-thanks so much for the encouragement. I am in the process of “purging” my daughter’s playroom with her. We’re having some really valuable conversations about “that’s mine” – “but this is my favourite stuffy” – “It’s pink – I need to keep it”. Sharing, wanting, really needing and giving are all ideas that merit lifelong conversation, thought and action.
I loved the birthday kit for the food bank idea. We will definately talk about it for the birthiday in June.
Thanks so much for your column. P.S. I’m purging my closet too and working hard at not refilling – consuming in the same way this year 🙂 Andrea
Kara & Scott, what a valuable life lesson to learn early. Your boys are very fortunate to acquire the knowledge that ‘stuff’ is so secondary to LOVE for humankind.