Posted on April 18, 2011 by Deah Curry PhD, CPC

Toddlerhood is a human being’s first age of curious risk-taking and fearless exploration. It’s our initial opportunity to learn what’s possible through direct willful interaction with the world around us.  All of us have this universally innate drive as part of the process of becoming fully conscious and self-empowered.

Sadly, beginning as early as about 2 years old we also start learning that we must limit ourselves, or someone more powerful will respond negatively. Chances are, that not limiting our explorations results in being placed in a constricting environment, like a playpen, to hold us back.

And of course at 2 years old we don’t know there is good reason to not stick our fingers into the electrical outlet.  Unfortunately, mommy’s urgent raised voice NO! and the boundaries of a gate that prevents entry to the kitchen get repeatedly reinforced and unconsciously internalized as self-limiting caution and risk-aversion.

Later in life, what started as necessary practices for keeping us safe, turn into subtle self-sabotages such that we:

• expect negative consequences
• resist natural curiosity and discovery
• reinforce the belief that it’s a dangerous world
• anticipate getting punished for transgressing boundaries
• curb the innate will to interact with, influence and change our environment
• passively accept whatever happens to us
• feel perpetually discouraged and disempowered
• let our big secret dreams go unrealized
• squelch our voice of dissent or fail to assert our preferences
• meet new situations with a reflexive anticipatory fear

Does any of that sound like someone you know?

What’s wonderful about this is that it was a learning process that established these self-sabotaging limitations.  That means that as adults we can undo that learning, and return ourselves to our natural innate ability to exert our curiosity and drive for exploration.

Here are three suggestions for breaking free from your old learned limitations:

1.  Everyday in some way take at least one small risk on purpose. It could be just voicing a preference for paper instead of plastic.  Or it could be saying, no, I’d rather eat Italian tonight. Or it might be letting yourself invest in coaching when you can’t yet see the outcome.

2.  Talk back to the “mommy in your head” who’s safety critic has run amok.  Tell her thanks for your concern, I’ll be careful.

3.  Identify a really big dream or goal that you’d previously decided was out of reach for you. Imagine what it would be like to attain it.  Picture having, doing, or being this in as much detail as possible.  Then broadly determine what steps you’ll need to take to make this happen.  Now, every morning ask yourself ‘what one thing can I do today that brings me closer to this goal?’ No matter what, give yourself permission to do that one thing today.