Posted on March 18, 2011 by Frank Brogni, ACC, CPC

At World Class Parenting, we understand how fundamental the agreement process is to establishing harmony in a family.  The Webster College Dictionary defines the word “harmony” as “being in a state of agreement.”  We submit that the opposite is also true; when agreements fail, disharmony occurs.

How we honor our agreements tells so much about our character and reliability both at home and at work.  Take the person who is late for almost everything.  You know that person who makes a date for lunch at 11:30 and doesn’t show up until 11:50 or later?  How about the person who makes a phone appointment for 10:00am and doesn’t call until 10:25am with some excuse or another–how does that sit with you?  The question is always, “What is more important than honoring your agreement or respecting me?”

When parents exhibit this behavior with their children, they are teaching that agreements can be altered without consent from the other party.  Unless there is a clear understanding that the alteration has taken place, the other party can consider themselves dishonored and in many cases they do.  Let’s look at a typical example.

A youngster reminds her parent that on Friday she is playing in a recital at school and asks the parent to attend.  The parent responds with, “Maybe.”  With that response in mind, the child is expecting her parent to attend.  It’s interesting how this word “maybe” is considered a word of non-agreement; it is neither a yes or no.  But, from a child’s prospective it is a word of hope and expectation that sets them up for disappointment when the parent doesn’t show up.

In a child’s mind, when the most important person in their life states they are *probably* going to do something there is an expectation that it *will* happen, just as it is in the mind of a client at work.  When that promise is broken without acknowledgement the consequences are the same– a loss of trust.  In many cases the loss of trust at home is forgiven but rarely forgotten–the same is happening with the client.  Is your word really your bond?

Look for the next article about how to set up agreements that work from Frank Brogni, ACC, CPC, family relations coach and co-founder of World Class Parenting, where we believe that from the boardroom to the bedroom, from the lunch table to the kitchen table, it’s all the same