Posted on March 15, 2011 by Deah Curry PhD, CPC

It’s often said in the coaching world that how you engage in anything is how you engage with everything.

This is “coach speak” for showing up alive and awake in your life, being in alignment with your own values and integrity, and keeping your commitments to yourself as well as to others. I’m all for that.

How you engage with life is what makes you who you are. It’s the action that flows from beliefs, values, and principles. Our actions are always congruent with what we really believe, value or hold as a guiding principle — even when those character traits can’t be consciously articulated.

One way to think of this is that how you show up in:

1. the energy of your integrity
2. a youtube video
3. a mirror

It’s energy of integrity in that it stimulates and sustains your approach to work, family, friendships, recreation, spirituality -everything.  It keeps you moving forward against the odds when you’re discouraged and disappointed, as well as when you’re rationally and happily motivated.

It’s a video in that it’s how others see you, and know – by what you show them -whether you’re the kind of person they will enjoy, trust, and want in their lives.  (Hint for those having relationship difficulties, how you are showing up in your interactions with others, and vice versa, may reveal the changes that would improve things for you.)

How you show up is a mirror meant to prompt self-reflection and self-correction, two important skills in the pursuit of a happy whole, empowered life. It reflects the reality of where you have fallen into living from conditioned reflexes such as the inertia of being too comfortable, anxious, defensive, or negative.

For example, the people I know who are successful in careers and social life:

• pay their dues (don’t have an attitude of entitlement)
• make an effort (don’t expect something for nothing)
• sacrifice (do what’s necessary to get where they say they want to be)
• keep their word or renegotiate their agreements
• laugh at themselves
• pursue their dreams
• make time for fun, pleasure, learning, and self-development

Confidence is linked to showing up. Those of us who are shy may have difficulty showing up in social situations, and that robs us of the chance to build confidence in our social skills.

Showing up is about trying, failing, and coming back to try again. It’s not about being perfect or compulsive, but simply making the best effort we can, over and over again, every chance we are willing to take.

How do you show up for yourself, for your dreams, your goals?  Ask yourself what you really want and when you’d ideally like to have it. Then ask yourself how you show up to work for it.

If the effort you’re putting in is equal to the goal, keep doing what you’re doing while also looking for ways to do it better, smarter, easier, and faster.

If you aren’t showing up for what you want, it’s not likely you’ll ever have it. It’s up to you. How are you spending your daily efforts?